Becoming a Better Parent

I love exercise time!

2012-02-07T12:33:00.000-08:00

I just finished at the gym, 25 min on revolving stairs at 75-80 steps/min then 3 rounds of ab exercises. I felt good and energized today, I feel like I can do so much, and I feel motivated to do things that I've been wanting to. I wish that I could always feel this positive! I love this feeling that I get when I'm working out. I got a leg work out in yesterday, but I felt out of breath and my legs were feeling the hurt early.
I am trying to get in 4 days/week, but it is hard for me because I get that guilty feeling. I feel bad when I have to put my boys into the gym daycare. I feel like it is a germy place and they don't really get care, just someone to make sure they survive. A few times, they come out with bloody scratches on their cheeks or arms, and when I inquire to the attendants, they have no clue. I am getting better at feeling more at ease with the gym daycare. Perhaps it is good they see and interact with other children, plus they get a Mommy that is usually in a better mood because she got her exercise on.
On the eating front, I'm trying to make sure I get protein in with my meals. I'm still eating cookies and banana bread (my favorite) and buttered popcorn along with it, but I'll slowly decrease it. I'm also getting in my calcium and fish oil. My horse pill of a mulit vitamin, not so much because I gag. I need to get a chewable mulit, how bout those gummy vites, tee hee.

Oh My Gosh!! Broccoli!!

2012-02-04T23:31:00.000-08:00

I'm soo excited about this so I had to share! (although this will not be nearly as exciting for you) I use to only give Wesley broccoli or cottage cheese or other healthy foods that I knew Colvin would not eat. Partially because Colvin would protest and say that he didn't like it, and that he didn't want it on his plate and partially because I think to myself, he won't eat it. Tonight, I only had broccoli on Wesley's plate (2 year old), and I glanced at Colvin's plate and thought he needs to be offered the same even if he protests. I proceeded to take 1 piece of broccoli and put it on his plate. While I did this I said to him, "You are part of this family and it's important for you to eat healthy foods too.". Then my boy that has never tried a green veggie since he was 9 months old, did the most surprising thing! He said, "Ok, Mommy, I'll eat it." Then he took a small bite of that broccoli while I stared in awe, waiting for him to gag and chuck it up with a nasty, "bleh!". That's not what happened, that boy chewed it up and swallowed, then said with a perplexed look on his face, "It's good, Mommy.". I tried to be non chalant in telling him that it was important to try new foods and that he did it, when inside I was bursting with Woo Hoo! This is great! You rock! You are the best kid, ever!!
He ate the rest of his meal then took 1 more bite of broccoli before he called it quits. 2 bites, 2 bites of steamed, healthy, green broccoli!

Setting Clearly Defined Limits

2012-02-04T14:54:00.001-08:00

When it comes to wanting my children to act or do certain things, I've struggled between what I feel as being too controlling and too permissive. I find that when I request things of them, for example, to pick up their dirty socks off the floor and put them into the hamper, and after several attempts in a calm voice, they still refuse; I start to lose it. I find myself raising my voice and getting angry and feeling that tightness in my stomach. I often examine my expectations for my boys. Have I made it clear that I expect them to put their dirty clothes into the hamper? Am I randomly demanding that they do this task one time because I'm feeling more demanding tonight, and decided that the boys are going to start cleaning up, right now! Mommy is tired of cleaning up after everyone all the time, and it's high time they clean up after themselves!

My boys have been out for each other's blood lately. I decided to start with a list of rules. I mentioned this to Colvin, and told him that I would write the rules and post them on the fridge. He seemed interested in this task and reminded me to do it after a few minutes. We took a blank sheet and his markers and he chose the colors for each rule. He came up with rule 4 on his own, and we put our heads together for the others. Here it is:

We also discussed what would happen if a rule was broken. I asked him what we could do if the 1st rule was broken. His reply that we could make an X on the paper. I accepted this and said that sure, we could. I then suggested telling that person, "sorry" or asking if he was ok. I then explained that we say these things because hitting someone can make a person feel bad and hurt. Causing someone to hurt can make us feel bad too. These are things that we can do to help make the situation better. At another time, I asked him if there were others things he could try before hitting or hitting back. We came up with telling that person how we feel, "I don't like that or I don't want to play right now."

Lets see how this goes...

Importance of Secure Attachment Bond

2012-02-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

I'm reading a study about teaching parents to facilitate chidren's moral development. I will share what I think is interesting.

"Researchers tend to point to the formation of a secure attachment bond in the first few years of life as the origin of a healthy social orientation."

"Research with humans and other primates has repeatedly demonstrated that the formation of a healthy attachment bond in the first years of life leads to many positive psychological outcomes and that these outcomes are long-lasting."

"Healthy attachment relationships have been found to predict successful relationships throughout life. Attachment relationship is the template for most later relationships."

"The single most consistent cause of childhood antisocial behavior is the lack of a secure attachment bond in infancy, because of the resultant failure to develop a conscience."

Top 5 Goals for 2012

2012-01-31T19:46:00.000-08:00

1) Be able to respond in a calm manner to my children most of the time.
* By practice, reading and research, keeping this blog to write about it!

2) Improve my photography skills.
This is my fun goal. I love, love taking and composing photos. I do this purely for enjoyment.
* By Attending photography workshops (I've already signed up for one!), reading, and taking lots of shots.

3) Increase my muscle mass by 5lbs at 12-15% BF (by 4 point caliper measurement) by June 2012.
As you may have noticed on my previous posts, I was a fitness fanatic. I still am, but my priorities lie with raising my boys.
So I may stick in a few work-out or eating posts because taking care of myself helps me to be a better parent also.
* By eating clean most of the time, lifting and cardio 3-4 days/week

4) Have a date day/night twice/month.
* By selecting and planning dates and setting up a caretaker for those days.

5) Understand and acknowledge my value as a person.
* By noticing my improvements, by establishing a closer relationship with God, and by working on relationships with friends.

A Well-Mannered Society

2012-01-30T13:07:00.000-08:00

Not only do we have to teach our kids to voice what they want, but we also have to make sure they attach "please" and "thank you" to those requests. In addition, they have to say, "sorry" if they did anything wrong against someone else.
I've always had a tough time getting Colvin (my 4 year old) to say or do anything. Teaching him to say, "please, thank you, and sorry" was no acception. The scenario goes something like this: Colvin asks, "Can I have a drink?", I tell him, "Say please, and I'll get it for you." Most kids would say it since they want that drink and if that was the condition that would get it for them, then they would say it. Not my Colvin, he would frown and remain silent. I would ignore his request, to which he would then whine for a drink, and I repeated my condition. Then he would respond with an irritated, loud, "Paaaleeese!"
This was the scenario for months. I started to wonder why I was forcing him to say these words. Simple: manners are important in society. Additionally, our childrens' behavior reflects upon us, as their parents. If my child's politeness is looked upon favorably, then so will my parenting. Still, coercing my child into saying thank you and please did not seem effective. So I examined if there was good reason to be doing this besides my own need to be considered a good parent.
Polite words make people feel respected. Manners help make others feel comfortable.
Forcing or making conditions for Colvin to establish a behavior against his will was not teaching him, it was making him angry. I started telling him the reasons for saying those words, instead of demanding that he said them. I accepted his requests if they were in a good tone. Even if his voice was of an irritated mood, I still accepted his requests. I could understand that people have their days (in the case of Colvin, lots of those days!), but I would not hide from him that his tone of voice made me feel bad or upset. Additionally, I made sure that I modeled the words when requesting things from him or someone else.
On days when Colvin is in a happy mood, he uses those polite words, freely, without prompting, and with a smile on his face. I've come to accept that he understands that using these words are important, but if he doesn't feel like it on some days, then that was ok. He needs to use those words on his terms, forcing him to say those words just produced my will against his. He has to choose for himself. This is the same thought for when I want him to say, "sorry" to Wesley for taking his toy. I let him know that it is appropriate to say sorry or I ask him what he thinks would help make Wesley feel better or help make the situation better. We want our children to apologize to others because they feel bad for what they did, not because it will get them out of trouble or because it pleases us. Colvin still won't say say, "sorry" at the heat of the moment, but sometimes we don't feel like saying, "sorry," especially when we are angry. Yet, when he thinks I am not looking or listening, I've heard him say "sorry" to Wesley, or when Wesley is crying for some reason, Colvin will retrieve a toy and bring it to him, and that puts a smile on my face.

Time-out Effects

2012-01-26T11:20:00.000-08:00

The other day, I was with a couple of Moms chatting while our kids played. They were talking about time outs, and I blurted, "I don't do time-outs anymore, they didn't work for us." Ugh! Why didn't I keep my mouth shut? The Mom then defensively said, "But, He hits his sister!" The He she was speaking of was her 2 year old boy and his 4 year old sister. I instilled time-outs breifly because frankly, I didn't know what else to do, and at least I wasn't spanking my kid, and I've seen several other parents do it.

Of course hitting is not a preferred action because it can hurt people physically and psychologically. Does the child get that message when he is put in time-out? Does he consider the alternatives to hitting, perhaps while he is in time-out? Well, if I got put in the corner for hitting my sis, I may protest at first because she was the one that took my toy! Fine, I'll sit in the corner. My sister got me in trouble, I'll get her when Mom isn't looking! Maybe I won't hit my sis again because I don't want to go in the corner, and Mommy doesn't love me when I'm bad. Maybe I'll play with this groove in the wall.

Time-outs put the attention on the kid that did the offense. The punished kid feels the effect of his unpreferred actions on himself, instead of the effects of his actions on others. We feel like we may have no other alternatives, and we feel that at least it's not a physical beating (spanking). It is still a punishment, nonetheless and others may call it a consequence. A consequence is a another term used that made me feel better about punishing my kids. What if we put the consequences of his behavior on how it made his sister feel and perhaps how it made Mom feel?

We can tell him till we are blue that it was wrong and not to do that, but have we shown him how he could deal with this in another way? I've tried to talk to my son in a calm voice during whatever incident took place, but I found it not as effective because he was angry and emotional and didn't want to listen. In fact, he would cup his hands over his ears. When I would talk to him later about the incident very briefly, he was more apt to listen. He usually didn't say anything, but I knew he heard me even if he never made eye contact and continued playing with his toys. I'm going to back up and mention that instead of jumping to conclusions about the actions that took place (because I usually only saw the hitting, yelling part), I now ask them what was going on. This takes me physically separating them at times. but if I could listen to a little explanation, then I got a better picture as to the reasons they were fighting. Then, I direct the resolutions in their laps again (with a little help from me if they need it, but this is a whole other topic).

An effective and fun way of teaching was in role playing with my boy's action figures (a suggestion I got from a parent coach). I would take a couple figures and have a one take the other's toy that was in their hand and then ask my older son, what can he do since the guy took his toy without asking? Then I would play out a few different responses, even the hitting response. My son thought it was amusing and wanted to play it over and over. He may not get the "correct" response or action everytime, but rarely does he instigate anymore. It's now my 2 year old that initiates the hitting, sigh.

Time-outs could yield temporary obedience but at a possible cost of lowered self-worth, anger, and self absorbance. Finally, anger is a tough emotion all around. I can only hope to teach my boys how they may find ways to diffuse their anger and to have respectable responses to persons during that time. I try to show how I diffuse my anger in front of them because we all get angry. (There are several other issues, but this is the one I chose to address in this post) We are all just doing the best that we can, but if we want to teach our to-be-adults, then we need to take the time to do just that.

The Sleep Issue

2012-01-25T05:41:00.000-08:00

Someone once gave me advice on how to get your baby to sleep through the night. She said to close the door and go back to sleep, turn on the bathroom fan to drown out the sound. Send the message, "Mom loves you, but she's not always available." I thought to myself, "really?" Since then, I've come to realize that I can't judge those Moms because I don't know what her life is like or what she has to go through. I just know that I chose not to do things that way. That is not a message that I would want to send to my kids. In fact, I want my kids to know that I am always available to them, will always be there for them whether it's when they are 30 years of age or 6 months old, be it at 6pm or in the middle of the night.
I can understand what drives those to let children cry it out. I've gone through a lot of sleep deprivation, and I've felt the anger and annoyance of having kids wake up countless times throughout the night. I've been through the crabbiness and utter fatigue for the times that you are so worn out but can't nap or rest (I still go through this). I've even tried cry it out with my 1st son. I lasted 2 days and 10 minutes each time. I had to time those 10 minutes so that I wouldn't go to him, they were 10 excrutiating, gut-wrenching minutes. Then I felt like a terrible, disgusting person afterwards. I had knowingly let my child scream his guts out and ignored his cries for me. When I would go back to him, it took him a good half an hour to recover his breathing, the hiccoughs of that hard crying were tough to suppress. He clung on to me for dear life and closed his eyes showing that he would be a good little boy and go back to sleep right away.
For the 1st 18 months of Colvin's life, I did not co-sleep with him. I didn't because of those horror stories I've heard about of parents accidentally killing their kids during their slumber together. I was also a light sleeper and anxiety ridden (with my 1st). I eventually brought him to my bed and would lay him beside me. My 2nd son was in his crib a handful of times, as he slept with me. Co-sleeping is not for everyone, and I know there are circumstances that drive people to do what they feel that they must do for their peace and sanity. I can say that at least we all got some rest, and my kids knew that I was there for them even throughout the night.

Yes, Yes you can!

2012-01-22T09:53:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I'm being too lenient. I'm not sure how to be firm without being too harsh. I think I lean towards being lenient and shutting my mouth because of my anger issues. I'm sure neither is correct: not saying anything or exploding in loud protest. I'm trying to find that middle ground.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm saying, "No" all day to my kids, "No, you can't do that, No, that will break, No, that's too loud, No, we have to go, No, No, No!
I've always thought to decrease the frequency of saying, "NO" to my children by establishing a "yes" environment (baby/kid proof the house), and allow them to do whatever that would not cause harm or break anything. I would do what I could to allow them some freedom to be kids while keeping my peace of mind. Thus, I've allowed my kids to bang the crap out of our pots with metal spoons and clang the pot lids together like cymbols, making the loudest, most annoying sounds. My husband and other adults I know would never have this. I've also let them run around in their underpants or shirtless all day, wear shorts and a t-shirt outside on a cold day, wear PJs while out and about, and unroll and rip up toilet paper rolls in the house. My husband objects to all of these except the first.
It wasn't overnight that I came to allow them to make some messes. I am a germ-a-phobe, tidy freak. I use to snap after the 10th time I picked up all the crumbs and wiped up the liquid messes all over the floors. I hate doing this #$*&! Sick of this crap! I use to pick up all the scattered toys that weren't in their play yard a dozen times/day. I never left a dish in the sink (well, I still don't for very long). In order to not die of early stress complications, I slowly came to the realization that I was getting pissed over things that would only take a minute to clean up. I couldn't stand when they would take out all the zip lock bags and scatter them all over the floor. I could not stand when they would touch the trash can or God forbid, any part of the toilet!! Gross! I finally realized that it only takes a few seconds to pick up those zip lock bags, and to remedy the trash and toilet dilemmas, I wipe them with an antibacterial wipe regularly, plus I wash their hands. Most messes take seconds to clean, and I was not going to stress about them anymore. Why does my house have to be spotless? Ok, I still keep a tidy house because of that inner turmoil I get when things are disorganized, but I don't get worked up about it anymore.
My boys and I went to Panera Bread the other night, and there were not many people there. We sat at a booth and of course they were standing and hopping up and down on the seat after about 5 minutes (which I allow because I do not see the harm in it). When I was packing everything up and cleaning the mess on the table, they occupied themselves by moving a chair from another table to ours and they were climbing back and forth from chair to chair and also jumping off of those chairs. I almost spoke, and then I just watched. There was no one in the adjacent tables, they weren't' hurting themselves jumping, and they were not being loud. I did see people eyeing the kids and then staring at me, their eyes seeming to say, "Are you really allowing your kids to do that in a public restaurant?" Could have been just my own thoughts that conjured up the feeling of those stares. I made my decision, and I thought to myself, "yes, you can do that, have fun."

My Secret

2012-01-21T04:58:00.000-08:00

I suffer from rage. Horrible, disgusting, hurtful, ugly rage. I'm not talking about anger, I mean the kind of rage that makes you see red, that makes your blood rush through your veins, that makes you want to pounce on anything that provokes you. You see, I don't want to become a better parent just for the sake of saying to myself that I'm a good Mom, I need to become a better parent so that I don't hurt my kids (mentally and physically).
I have no excuses for the ways that I've acted. I have no way that I can take any of it back, and that sucks. The only thing that I can do is to try, try to be better. I have come a long way in the last 4 years. Yes, it's taken me that long to seek, self-reflect, and practice other ways of dealing with this monster.
I actually didn't know he existed, till I had children. This is what I mean when I say that having kids has put a mirror to my face. I can see in the mirror a vile, hurtful person. I can't yet tell some of the terrible things that I've done and said to my kids because they are just too awful, and for me to talk about them hurts deeply. I can tell you that I've never hit per say, but I have tousled hair, grabbed roughly, pinched, yelled right in the face, and broke a chair from hitting it with a kid's baseball bat. I've put dents in walls, knocked a cabinet off it's hinges, ripped pages haphazardly with a marker. Most in front of my kids...
This is why I've read tons of parenting books and also Anger Management 101, ha! If you knew me casually, you would never know as my demeanor is on the quiet side. Socially acceptable, seemingly normal, content person that you may know as a friend or neighbor. I've often wondered if my neighbors have heard the ruckus. I also hesitate to publish this fearing that I may be arrested.
I can finally say that I feel I can react in a much more civil manner towards my kids. I've had to change the way I think when my kids "misbehave." I put that in quotes because I use to get mad at so many things that they do, but they were not misbehaving, they were being "kids." For example, for awhile, it seemed like everything we did was a chore, especially trying to get them into their car seats, trying to get them into bed at night, trying to brush their teeth. Uh! These things are so simple, why can't they just do it and get it over with? Why does it have to take an hour and a half before they are finally asleep? Why do I have to yell several times so that they will get into their car seats? Why won't he stay still and keep his mouth open so that I can brush his teeth?
On top of my blind rage and mood disorder (dysthymia: diagnosed a long time ago when I went to counseling), my older son is a firecracker. He just takes off explosively and burns you in the right spot. He is the kind of kid that you take out to eat and ends up throwing his drink on the ground, sobbing and yelling at the top of his lungs (because he got a few drips on his shirt or because he didn't like the drink). He's the kind of kid that will say and do the exact opposite of what you want, i.e. Me: I love you, Him: I don't love you. I can't blame him though, he got the brunt of my rage because he was unfortunately first in line of my 2. I've read that kids internalize what they see and may act it out later. Every kid is different and reacts differently, but I'm sure they all hurt and compensate or express things differently.
As I keep writing, I feel more scared. You see, ragers don't want people to know, like any person who has a problem, be it an eating disorder, drug or alcohol abuse problem, chronic liar... Geez, now I really don't think I should be writing this. In fact, I may delete it.

Anyhoo, I've gone from threatening, punishing (with time-outs), yelling, coercing my kids, to not doing any of those things. I don't punish anymore or should I say, I try not to punish, I try really hard. Gosh, how can something so small push buttons that you never knew you had? I'm not here to judge any parent that does any of those things. Who am I to when I have so many faults in my own parenting. I realize that there is not a perfect parent or parenting method out there, but I sure wish there was. I sure wish I was a perfect Mom. I wish that I could do everything right, wish that I could be sure that what I was doing would produce wonderful, moral, happy kids. After much evaluation, I've come to know that what I really want is for my boys to be those things. Being a stellar student, amazing athlete, gifted musician would be fine, but it's not my goals for them. Yes, I have goals for them. I want them to be the kind of person that I am not, I want them to be so much better than me. I want them to treat others with kindness, especially their offspring and those in need. I don't know if I'll ever feel content with myself, but I'll keep trying, I'll keep trying for my kids.

This Weeks Dinner Menu

2012-01-19T15:06:00.000-08:00

Trying to accomodate to the tastes of each person in a household is tough. My husband loves bread with his meal, my older son likes almost anything that is bread-like or cereal-like. Usually my older son will only eat the meat parts of the dinner and then eat cereal and fruit.

Wed: Honey Pecan Pork Chops (recipe from momswhothink.com)
Mac n Cheese (with cauliflower puree)
Salad
French Bread

Thurs: Chicken Alfredo on top of fresh linguine
Roasted Asparagus
Salad

Fri: Baked Salmon
Pot Stickers
Brown Rice
Green Beans

Sat: Baked Ziti
Salad
Pugliese Bread

Sun: Filet Mignon
Parmesan Risotto
Salad

My Value

2012-01-16T14:08:00.000-08:00

In the last few months, I've read a book on the 10 Healthy Habits of Happy Moms by Meg Meeker. The 1st chapter talks about realizing my value as a mother. Then it says to write down things that I am really good at. I sat to write some down, and I could not think of 1 thing, not even 1. I have tried several times to write something down, but I still have not been able to. I also tried to write things down that I like about myself. Everytime I try to write something down, I can't. My mind floods with the negative things about myself, and I can do this or that, but I'm not good at it. The closest that I can come to writing something down is that I TRY to be a good mother, I TRY to be a good person, I TRY, but it doesn't feel like I am.
Being a parent has held a mirror up to myself. My habits and thoughts and values really matter because I spread these things to my children. I see in detail my faults, and I've been trying to better myself.

Maybe one day, I will be able to write something down.

When I die, what will my kids be thinking or reflecting upon? What will others be thinking when it comes to me? It's tough for me to answer. I feel like I have fun with my kids, I try to set aside time just for them everyday that I get to be home with them. I'm fortunate because I work part-time, it's a good balance for me.

It's just hard for me to pat myself on the back, I don't think I've ever been truly able to do that. I've completed a marathon, 2 fitness shows, got a degree in Doctor of Optometry, and those things are not good enough because I've only completed them. Others that have completed the above have done it better than me. I didn't get the best GPA, I didn't finish 1st in any of the competitions, I only finished them. This is what competition does to me, instead of making me feel better about myself, it tears me down. There is only 1 winner and the rest are losers. (I will probably write a post on competition and what it teaches and means to our children) Although when anyone else completes anything that they set out to do, I consider those people victorious. This doesn't make sense, and so I must see that what I have done is good. I did the best that I could. I did feel good completing those goals because I set out on long, arduous journeys and completed the missions. More importantly, I enjoyed the journeys and hard work of attaining those goals.

Implementing Healthy Eats

2012-01-16T13:10:00.000-08:00

My boys, now ages 2 and 4 can drive me insane with their daily whining for Gatorade. I can't stand that they drink sugary drinks with dye in it. I blame my hubby because he drinks Gatorade and sweetened teas. I've set a limit of 1/2 cup daily (diluted), but my 2 year old doesn't understand. Hopefully, he will get it soon because right now he keeps asking and crying when I tell him he already had some and now he can have milk or water.
Tried a few Deceptively Delicious (book by J. Seinfeld) recipes and they bombed. I can totally taste the veggie in them too, but I don't mind it. I've lessened the amounts that I put in and that helps. I've recently put pureed cauliflower in some mini hamburgers that I made.
My 4 year old's diet consists of: flour, butter, sugar, and meat. He will eat breads, waffles, cereals, cookies, muffins, plain noodles, beef, turkey, and a few fruits. NO veggies whatsoever, and it drives me nuts!
How did he get to where he eats this way? I take responsibility. He had horrible reflux as an infant and into age 2, and he had texture difficulties and failure to thrive. During those times, I just wanted him to gain weight and survive. I gave him whatever foods he would accept and tried to keep his calories up through adding butter, oil, sugar. I tried veggies and whole grains, but usually he would gag because of the textures and tastes. I recall putting a bowl of oatmeal on his tray, and he gagged hard just at the sight of it, gave him a pinch of asparagus and he almost vomited. We went through a year with a speech therapist working on his chewing and trying to increase his acceptance for a variety of foods. I did what I had to do, but now that I feel the worst of his reflux is over, it's time to start implementing acceptance of healthier foods.
My younger son will eat cauliflower and broccoli and any veggies that are in soups. Thank goodness! He mimicks and follows what his brother does so when he sees what big brother is eating, he asks for it, neglecting his plate.
I understand that he wants what big brother has so instead of putting different foods on their plates, I now now put all foods on both their plates. I do get protest though, they say they don't like it and hold up the greens like it's some parasite. They don't want it on their plates. It starts on their plates or I put a separate small bowl on the table with the offensive specimen. Unfortunately there have been no takers, and I've been doing this for the last 3 months.

Love exercise

2009-12-22T14:51:00.000-08:00

I've been able to go to the gym 3 times this week because my husband watched the kids! I did a leg w/o yesterday, and it wasn't much, but I am sore. It feels great to exercise, I get so pumped up just to be able to go. When I'm there I put on my music, lift, and dream about doing another show or participating in a local running race. I have a while to go before I can really put time into training for anything.

I'm planning on working 2 days/wk starting Feb. They will 10 hour days away from home. Hopefully, I can keep up a BM supply. Baby won't take from the bottle after several attempts (not from me). Going to try dropper.

My high needs baby is still wanting to be held all the time. I love him, and I would not mind holding him as much as I do if it weren't for my 2 yr old. I feel that he has some resentment because I cannot play with him as much, nor cuddle him for naps or bedtime like I use to. My husband sleeps w/him at night. I give hugs and kisses, but I can't hold him like I use to. Hopefully, he will still want to be cuddly at times as the baby gets more comfortable being further from me. There he goes crying...

2009-12-01T22:26:00.000-08:00

I went to the gym for the 3rd time in a month. I cannot get consistent child care, but I'm going to try to call a lady that was referred by a friend. I only need a few hours during the week to go exercise and run errands. I NEED to get physical activity! I feel nasty. I feel "loose". I've lost a lot of weight, and I'm sure it was lots of muscle. I especially miss the shape of my legs and glutes which took so much work to get.

I've tried to walk w my boys in a stroller, but my 3 month old cries the whole time, and that annoys the crap out of me. I know it will get better soon. I have 2 beautiful, healthy, amazing boys. I just need to find a way to sneak a time for exercise. I've tried to just stretch and do sit ups but my 2 year old just keeps climbing on me. He also keeps crying during naptime lately, so no time there either. Usually 1 of them is awake. Hmmm...

I did get to see New Moon though I was 10 minutes late. It was great, and I'm in love w the story all over again.

Life with 2 little boys

2009-11-24T22:51:00.000-08:00

Wes is going to be 3 months old this Tksgv. Many days I feel so blessed to have 2 amazing, healthy, beautiful boys. Other days, I'm tearing my hair out because it feels like I can't get anything done that I needed to. I'm not getting the exercise I need yet. My husband won't hold the baby because he feels like he is too fragile. I'm not able to go to the gym because hubby is not comfortable watching Wes yet. Gym daycare doesn't watch babies till 4 months old. Wes is what I call a "light sleeper." I can rock him to sleep and hold him for 20min or longer (I've tried!) and put him down on the couch or bed, and he will wake up within 5 minutes crying. This boy wants to be held!! This has made getting things done very difficult.

I'm still breastfeeding which makes me happy. It has taken some adjustments since I have hyperlactation syndrome. I see a lactation consultant to help. Hopefully, Wes will grow into my powerful letdowns.

On another note, I am itching to go see "New Moon." AAhh. My escape...

10 Weeks Left!

2009-06-23T20:45:00.000-07:00

Only 10 weeks till my due date. Everything is going good with the pregnancy. We just got back from a 10 day trip to Maui, partial continuing education trip and partial vacation. Although I could not participate in many of the activities I would have liked (zip-lining, biking, hiking, etc.), I enjoyed the beach views, weather, and minimal cooking and cleaning. Cole was an angel, even on the 5 hours airflight and 2 hour commute to and from our home. He didn't eat well at all, but he drank a ton. He is a very selective eater, and skips meals often, but he has been med-free for 2 months now, and I'm proud of the progress he has made in his feeding skills. He is a beautiful, intelligent child. His language skills surprises everyone as he is only just turned 21 months.

In Hawaii, I woke early many mornings and sat out on our patio and read and just sat with my thoughts. I'm feeling like I want to do something else. Something other than the profession that I am involved in. I've been very uneasy for a long while before this trip. I'm not sure what it is that I want to pursue, but I will find it.

Has anyone read the Twilight series? Yes, I got sucked in. It had a nice ending to it. More on this later... Baby boy is calling.

Gender announced!

2009-05-08T14:07:00.000-07:00

We are having another boy! Per the ultrasound tech. My goodness, a house full of boys. All is going well here, with the pregnancy, Cole's health, etc. I've been able to go to the gym twice/week and then just walking the stroller most other days. Hope all you wonderful Mommies have a great Mother's Day!

20 Weeks

2009-04-15T15:48:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a short trip to Vegas to visit my family. Cole gets ill the 2nd day we are there. I had him checked there, and the PA told me everything looked fine. He is fussy and clingy as heck, running a low fever and coughing. Get back, 5days later to see the doc on Monday morning, he has a double ear infection. He screamed the whole decent on the plane flight. Poor baby was in so much pain.

He has been getting ill every month for the last 3 months. He isn't sleeping well, and keeps me up through the night. Hopefully it will get better soon. I don't get to the gym when he is ill because he can't be in gym daycare when he is feeling sick. I feel like a blob, and I get down when I don't exercise. I'm going to take a shower while he is still napping.

I will be 20 weeks this Thurs.

Doing better

2009-03-06T12:47:00.001-08:00

I'm happy to say the puking has stopped! Thank goodness. This kid has puked more than anyone I know. Some of my friends call it "spit up", ha! it's not a teaspoon or a tablespoon, it's a whole messful that gets his clothes, my clothes, his seat, the floor! ok, enough puke talk.

He is doing better finally, and eating well. He still spits out some food, but not as much as he use too. He's even eating some fruits and drinking some juice. I've thrown out the no juice idea because my kid needs the sugar, and I throw his vitamins into it too. plus he isn't too into it, drinks only about 2-3oz if that.

I'm feeling bigger and bigger. My belly popped out at 11 weeks. Argh, so early. I'm getting boobs again too, not bad, except they are sore. The leaking when I sneeze is back too (sorry if that was TMI).

My moods have been crazy though. I start getting in a horrible, mean mood when I realize that I'm cooking and cleaning all day, and the floors still have crumbs on it. I can't get away from Cole getting into the top drawers of the kitchen and throwing all my spatulas around and banging them against the walls or t.v. I know it's typical 17 month old stuff. I was losing it last night. I'm still having trouble letting go of a less than stellar clean house. hee hee. plus, hubby use to harp on me about the floors, my gosh, I clean it all the time, but it just doesn't seem to get rid of it all. I get down on my hands and knees wiping up after i vacuum. I offer food 5 times/day so the crumbs just fall. Especially with a stinker who likes to smash, smear, and throw his food.

Cole is back on his meds for 2+ weeks till he is fully recovered. I'm so glad he is doing better and has his rosy, full cheeks back. I'm so glad that he will not remember all his puke episodes, I'm trying to erase it from my memory. Yea right, I have nightmares about it.

Went to gym yesterday just for an hour. Only getting in about 1-2x/wk so I just do upper and lower body work-outs. Have a great weekend, all!

Illness strikes

2009-02-19T22:30:00.000-08:00

After a week of improved eating, Cole got sick with a respiratory infection. He had a fever of 105. He was put on breathing treatments and antibiotics. I'm thankful it happened on a Monday night, and I didn't have to take him to the ER. I just didn't get any sleep that night or the week that followed. He is recovering slowly, but he has been so congested for almost 2 weeks. He has coughing attacks that make him gag and almost puke. He is super gaggy right now. We've had 3 HUGE pukes within these past 2 days. He is so sensitive and gags on food. I spend 30 minutes feeding him a good meal and he ends up puking all of it. He can't stop once he starts, it just keeps coming in waves. Poor boy, he cries afterwards. He is so sensitive, he gagged on a goldfish cracker and puked while we were shopping.

On another note, I had a better day today. I was going out of my mind because I had not had any exercise for almost 2 weeks. Went on 2 walks outdoors and walked on the treadmill today. I feel so much better and energized. Hope to get back to gym soon, I tried last week, but he just cried from not feeling well.

Cole has been med free for over a month now. He seems to be doing fine. I just don't want the vomiting to keep up or we'll have to put him back on. Hopefully the congestion will resolve soon.

A little time for me

2009-02-05T21:50:00.001-08:00

I got to the gym again today. So far only twice/week since last week but it's a start. Things have been looking up with Cole the last 3 days. I decided to stop his powder that I put into his milk because his stools were awful loose like diarrhea. He's been on this powder for 2 months. I decided to just stop for a little while because of his stools. Amazingly enough, the 1st day I stopped it, he seemed to have an appetite ALL DAY! He chewed great, only spit out a little bit, nothing like what he usually does. I couldn't believe it. I was thinking it was a fluke day, he has those, but the last 2 days have been pretty good also. He actually ate some cut up grapes, I cut them so tiny, lol. After a few though, he started spitting them out, but he ate a few! I'm soo proud of him. Pasta remains tough, he just won't tolerate it, spits it right out. I've tried all shapes. That's ok, he usually will eat rice.

I'm just thrilled that he is trying a few new foods now and actually chewing them! I've hardly ever seen appetite in Cole, and it makes me feel so happy to see him actually trying to eat and maybe even enjoying it sometimes. Motherhood has been tough and wonderful. I won't say that it has been a total blissful experience. I am totally still in love with my baby boy though. I still rock him to sleep every night. The sacrifices I've made, I did willingly because I wanted him to grow and be healthy and strong and happy. Now that he is getting better, I'm starting to make a little time for me. Going to the gym is part of that, and it does make a difference. I'm also going to get a facial tomorrow. :)

Gym Daycare!

2009-01-30T22:21:00.000-08:00

I finally took Cole to gym daycare for the 1st time, I have to get in there! He loved it, he kept climbing up this slide and just explored everything they had. I had a friend come along, but her kid didn't do so well, kept crying. I got a little work-out in and felt better for it.

I had an ultrasound, and we got to see and hear the little one and his/her heartbeat! Amazing what they can see, and I can't believe that there is a heartbeat at such an early period of pregnancy. This time around, I am already very lax. My hunger has been much stronger, eating everything in sight! I even eat things I know I'm not suppose to because I'm so hungry and it's in front of me. I ate sushi and had a caesar salad (I totally forgot about caesar). I know I'm not suppose to eat those things when pregnant, but I can't remember why anymore! I think I researched almost everything I could for my 1st. I do have to eat better, eat more fruits and veggies. I just don't crave or really like fruits anymore. I take 2 bites of an apple or melon and it makes me feel nauseous. I just want the bad stuff, like chips, crackers, etc. I almost always eat when I feed Cole, I usually end up eating his fattened up meal because he is still spitting out and not eating well.

I'm trying not to stress about the fact that Cole hasn't gained an ounce for a month and a half (he's falling below 10th percentile and he's only 16 months). I know that I can't force him to eat I can only just keep trying foods. I just can't help but think something else is physically not right about him. I see hunger, he gets irritable and doesn't sleep well when he is hungry, like we all get. He naps great if he gets a good meal in. Perhaps it is still his reflux. A percentage of kids have it for the rest of their lives. My friends kid is 3 and still on meds.

I'm going to try to make it to the gym at least 2-3 times/week and bring baby with me. I think I will feel more energetic and happier. Plus, I don't want to suffer through this delivery since I know I am not in near as good of shape as I was with the 1st.

getting back into the gym

2009-01-18T17:01:00.000-08:00

i am itching to get back into shape. i've lost so much muscle. i do get in a walk almost everyday with Cole in the stroller, but getting to the gym is very difficult. when i've gone, i feel so weak and i get sore from the smallest things that i do now. i feel drained of energy and spirit. next week, i am going to try to put him in the gym daycare. he's only been to daycare 3 times at church for an hour, he cried 2 of the times. the gym daycare is only open for 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the evening. evening is out as i have to make dinner, feed him, bathe him, put him to bed, etc.

my husband brought up that he would help me train for show after the 2nd (when i was ready). wow, that was nice, but i'm sure it was his nice way of saying that i need to get my ass in shape. lol. another show, hmmm... it would help with motivating me, but i would have to take a year or so to pack on some muscle. i've lost a lot from my lower body.

Cole has been driving me nuts the last few days with his spitting out of food. it is unbelievable. i tried all the foods that he has accepted yesterday, spit out everything, all day long, never ate anything but chips at 7pm. everyone always says he will eat when he is hungry, i think that it true to an extent. he can go DAYS without eating, he has gone weeks eating meagerly. i don't know what to feed him anymore. i also hesitate to even offer him food, because i get frustrated watching him spit his food onto his clothes over and over, meal after meal. he refuses to wear a bib.

i really hope my down mood is due to 1st trimester hormones. well, gotta get baby, he's awake now.

Stopping meds in 2 days

2009-01-16T11:33:00.001-08:00

We saw Cole's GI specialist yesterday and got the green light to stop his meds. Hopefully, his reflux will stay stable without it. Lil' stinker keeps spitting all his food out again. Ugh.

A New Year

2009-01-13T21:17:00.000-08:00

The only eating 2 foods has been broken the last 2 days! Cole is finally eating other foods. He ate some mashed banana and spilt pea soup that I made. The other day, he just kept spitting those out. He should be able to eat a banana without mashing, but he will take a bite and spit it out. I'm just happy he is getting a little more variety.

I feel so tired and unmotivated lately. I feel almost down. Perhaps it's hormonal, but probably more about my attitude. We are expecting again! I have a doc appt this week, I know it is very early. I feel positive about this one, but so far this one is making me fat and tired. When I was pregnant with Cole, I felt great amd energetic most of the time. I'm eating like a horse. My starting weight is 12lbs less than when I was pregnant with Cole.

Well, off to bed. Just babbling...

wow is it Christmas already?

2008-12-24T16:10:00.000-08:00

yes, I'm still alive! life with the little one has been wonderful, but still very challenging. he still has reflux but it is much better. since he has been through most of his life gagging and vomiting before, during, and after eating; he does not have a good relationship with food. at 15 months, he still cannot tolerate table foods. he has 14 teeth and won't or doesn't know how to chew. he refuses food most of the time, even purees. finger foods he will eat, but he takes tiny, tiny bites and usually spits it out. he is hypersensitive to tastes too, if i give him something like, banana yogurt, on 1st bite, he'll make a face, spit it out and try to rake the food off his tongue with his fingers. usually, he gags himself. i attempt to offer a 2nd choice, but he won't even try it. i could go on and on.

positive note is that he likes his milk. i have to add powder and cream to make some cals for him. he is gaining really slowly, and many times not at all. developmentally, he seems to be normal. he is walking well, almost running actually. he is saying many words. he is adorable and sweet. hopefully he'll have a good time tomorrow ripping open gifts.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

How will I get through?

2008-06-29T19:22:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm losing it. Sometimes I wonder how I will get thru another day... My husband and I went to a movie today, in the middle of it, I started to cry (without him knowing). Not knowing how I was going to stop worrying about my son, not knowing if he is getting enough nutrients, fluids, or if he is developing properly. Then we went to the grocery store, I cried while looking for oil, crying for my lost one, crying for me and how unhealthy and frail I feel... Wondering what will help me get thru all this. Wondering how to live normally again? or will I ever feel normal and happy again? Wondering if I need a psyche eval, but then wondering how that would help me. Maybe I should go on meds. Maybe I'll try to take it 1 day at a time, 1 hour at a time...

Huge step backwards

2008-06-28T22:02:00.001-07:00

I am not ready to talk about what's been going on in detail yet. In a nutshell, Colvin got sick with a horrible virus that caused him severe, severe, severe vomiting for over 24 hours and diarrhea as well. He was vomiting so forcefully that it would shoot out through his nose. He would vomit everything and ALL of it. He was admitted into the hospital for 36 hours. Now that he has been home for 6 days, he will not eat, it's just been a battle. I am struggling to keep him hydrated, he has only had 9-10oz per day. On top of that, he is very constipated, not drinking enough to get him flowing. If he keeps this up, a tube is the only option. I'm trying to stay positive that he will get thru this and regain trust in food and eating very soon.

Ok, I guess I am ready to talk... I was up for over 48 hours last weekend with him being sick and having diarrhea every 20-30min all night in the hospital. I was pregnant, and I lost the baby. My body was so tired and stressed that when I finally did lie down for an hour, I was shaking... I feel so bad that my body couldn't sustain a pregnancy. I'm so sorry to my Lost One... May God rest you in a wonderful place, my Little Lost One.

Thoughts

2008-05-31T22:17:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for (in no particular order)

1) My beautiful, wonderful baby boy, Cole.
2) That we are lucky enough that I can work part-time.
3) My loving Mother and Husband.
4) My health.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about Cole's situation and about life in general.
I'm trying to give a little more time for myself.
I'm trying not to be so hard on myself because I know that I am doing my best.
I realize that life has to keep going even with Cole's needs.
I want to enjoy this summer with family and friends and watching my baby boy grow!

My growing boy

2008-05-18T09:48:00.001-07:00

8 Months Old

2008-05-17T21:36:00.000-07:00

My little boy turned 8 months today. I wish we could say that he has grown out of reflux, but it just has not happened yet. He has had some better days now, where he will eat 2-3oz per bottle in less than 30 minutes and eat his oatmeal with gusto. Then he has some really bad days, like today where he spits up a ton, cries after 2 bites of oatmeal, and wiggles and cries thru 2oz of formula taking 30 minutes. He also cries out during the night and during naps, I think because he doesn't feel good and has heartburn.

I really don't think that Cole will be able to digest solids very well. On the 2nd day of sweet potatoes, he was vomiting sweet potato for 3 hours afterwards. Going to try apples next, but I'm not going to rush solids on him. His system needs to mature more than than the average baby.

Mother's Day weekend was spent at the ER, Cole came down with bad Croupy cough. He kept vomiting all meds, Tylenol, Prednisolone so we couldn't control the symptoms, he ended up getting stridor. He had a fever for 2 days, and was not able to breathe without great effort and wheezing. His little feet were turning blue. Poor little boy, he was so lethargic and just wanted to be held. He is just now getting over his coughing, still has a runny nose.

He is crawling like a seal, doesn't bring his knees up when crawling. His 5th tooth just broke through! I know that we will get through this sooner than later now as he is getting older. I absolutely love my baby boy, he is such a joy.

Hope you all had a nice Mother's Day. Thanks for all the wonderful comments.

7 Months Old

2008-04-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

It's been still crazy. Cole took in a record low of 12oz in a 24hr period, the doc had me go to a lab the next day to draw his blood. Doc calls me the next day, tells me that he is dehydrated and to go to ER to get treated. Well, we drive 2 hrs to the Children's Hosp ER, spend 6 hrs there and drive back with no treatment. The nurse tried twice and dug around to find a vein, but couldn't tap one. Poor boy was screaming his head off. They did get blood to do more lab tests, ER doc said that dehydration was not severe enough to keep trying to stick. This was the last night of my Mom's visit, what a way to spend it.

Looked into feeding tubes, but at this age we would have a heck of a time, threading the tube thru Cole's nose, thru his esophagus, all the way to the stomache. He is strong and fights me already during feeds. He is back on his old med, which he seems to respond to a little better. Still very rough though, only takes 1oz or less from his bottle, and I spoon feed the rest with him turning his head, playing, spitting out the formula, pursing his lips closed. Yesterday, he wanted to go to sleep on 8oz all day long (he had not eaten since 1230pm). He fell asleep play-sucking on a bottle for 20 minutes (didn't drink but a few sips). I took him downstairs to wake him, took a medicine dropper and gave him 2.5oz. A medicine dropper at 7 months old, but I didn't want to go to the ER again.

That's my life in a nutshell. Trying to keep my head up, thinking that this will time shall pass... (I do try to enjoy my son's sweet, upbeat personality, he's great)

Update on my almost 7 Month Old Son

2008-04-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

Thanks for checking on us. I wish that I had better news, but I don't. Cole has not gained weight again in the last 2 weeks, lost 2 ounces. He is still not responding to medication nor changes in formula. We even switched doctors, but seems that nothing is working. It is clear that he has also developed an aversion to eating since he is associating eating with pain.

Life is difficult because of the stress and exhaustion. He wakes up 2-3 times/night or more because he is hungry or just in pain. I have terrible migraines that I cannot get rid of even with Tylenol with Codeine. We've tried everything to get Cole to feel better. I think he will just have to grow out of it, and we will most likely have to get him feeding therapy to help with his aversion.

This has not only been a stress on me but my marriage as well. I am thin as a rail because I hardly have time to take care of myself or get any rest. I feel robbed of enjoying the finer moments with my son. I try to have fun and play with him often, but we have to spend a lot of time trying to get some food in him.

Thanks again for coming around to see how we r. I may post at times just to vent. Hope u r all doing well.

still not gaining weight

2008-03-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

I've just been busy dealing with the same feeding problems with Cole. He is eating even less this week, grunting, holding his breath and turning red when trying to eat. He hasn't grown in length or HC, and his weight has only gone up by 3oz in 2 weeks. We are going to get another GI specialist to see Cole in 11 days. Till then, I have to keep trying to get him to eat enough so he doesn't have to go on a feeding tube or go to ER for hydration.

Thanks for all of your posts, I appreciate the support.

I just love you.

2008-02-23T20:26:00.000-08:00

I just love you all for posting such positive, sweet words of encouragement. I'm really weeping right now. You're all thinking, "what a nut job." lol, I'm a lot more emotional because of lack of sleep once again. Sometimes I feel I am to my wits end, but what can I do? The poor boy has to eat if only an ounce or 2 at a time. Also, I feed him with a spoon by thickening the formula with cereal. Anything to get those calories in.

Today was his worst day yet, taking in only 16oz before going down for the night. I've never heard of a baby that likes to take his last bottle at 530 to 630pm?? He's always been like that. He wants to sleep by 8p. I wake him now at 930 for his medicine and to eat in a half an hour after that. I have the monitor on and he is making whimpering sounds and sucking his lips and tongue, because he is hungry. He cried for food a lot today and still couldn't get more than 2-3oz down at a time.

Good note is that he did gain weight, ONLY because of the increased calories in his formula. Oh, gotta go he is waking up. My sweet, hungry boy...

Toddlers

2008-02-22T20:43:00.000-08:00

Baby boy is still not eating much and not improving. He is 5 months and drinks less than 20oz/day. I wake him twice during the night to try to get him a little over that 20. He seems to feed easier when he is groggy. He's been on Prevacid for 9 days now. Doc wants to add Zantac too. My husband and I aren't sure about that yet. We just switched to hypoallergenic formula so we figure we should wait on that a few more days to see if that helps.

Going anywhere is very difficult as Cole gets distracted plus he feeds so terribly and with pain (crying and arching back and wiggling). We have to go out of town this coming weekend. Makes me nervous because he eats so little when we are out. Babies can dehydrate much faster than adults, and this can be fatal to a baby.

I try to take him for a walk everyday so he can get some fresh air. Sometimes I see toddlers playing, and I start to cry. I want him to grow to be a toddler too. My beautiful son...

getting by

2008-02-21T09:54:00.001-08:00

Some days I just want to scream. I've cried a lot out of frustration and sadness. I want my boy to grow and have the opportunity for a wonderful life. 7 days on Prevacid and change in formula and he is not responding. In fact, yesterday was his worst day yet. He barely drank all day (he was with caretaker bc I had to work). I woke up every 3 hrs last night to feed him. He took on the 1st 2 times, but he wouldn't drink at 5am. I feel a little better because his diaper was wet this morning. I'm going to take him for a weight check this afternoon, just to see if he is at least maintaining his weight.

I really hope that he does not have long term food aversion because of the pain he experiences when eating. His video swallow and upper GI tests are not for another 2 weeks, so we just have to keep trudging through... Till then, we are tired..

My Son's Pain

2008-02-15T15:14:00.001-08:00

My son is being treated for severe acid reflux. He has not grown in weight or height or head circumference in over a month. He has gone from 75th percentile in weight to 10th. He is about 1.5lbs underweight. The only way he can eat is in very small quantities over lengthy periods of times around 10-12times/day. He wakes frequently thru the night because of pain and hunger. We are both tired. I try to make everyday as happy as possible under the circumstances. He is still a very happy and sweet baby. He is just hungry all the time and it breaks my heart to see him wanting to eat so badly but can't. He chews on his hands and sucks his lip and tongue constantly now. He nurses his bottles sooo slowly so that he can fall asleep.

I'm hoping the medicine (his 2nd med) that he is being put on will work. The GI specialist said that it takes a week or more to start working. I believe that Cole has had AR while breastfeeding. I couldn't understand back then why his feedings wouldn't spread out and why he would only eat sometimes for 1 minute. Nobody could answer the questions I had about breastfeeding and now I understand why. I switched to formula because I thought that there was something wrong with my milk ejection being too forceful. This may have only been partially the problem.

More tests are being done on our son in the coming weeks, including an xray of his upper GI tract, testing for infection, etc.

Little time is left for play and nap since all he does is feed, but I still try to enjoy everyday with him. He still smiles and laughs a lot, our sweet boy...

3.5 Months Old

2008-01-13T21:20:00.001-08:00

Who Am I?

2008-01-11T21:11:00.001-08:00

I feel like I've been in a microcosm that consists of my Baby Cole and me. I have given all of my attention to Baby. I feel like I've lost myself. I struggle to find time to do the bills, clean, do laundry, go to the grocery store, make dinner, etc. I now only make quick dinners about 3 times/wk, and I don't make anything but sandwiches or eat cereal for breakfast and lunch, or I just don't eat at all. I forget to take my vitamins most of the time. My weight loss has stabilized to 110lbs. I feel yucky in terms of my health.

I did get to the gym twice this week, but it was rushed and I was tired because it was late in the evening, didn't get home till 9pm. I only did 1 exercise per body part, and I was sore. I feel like my energy has been sapped. I love, love and adore my baby boy, but wow, does caring for an infant take up a lot of time. He is not a napper either, if I'm lucky he will sleep an hour during the day. Part of it is my fault, I don't let him fuss for long before I pick him up or give him attention. I play with him a lot. I try to do things while holding him, but he is getting heavy and it is tough to do things 1-handed.

I am returning to work this coming week. I feel so removed from work, but I'm sure that I will get the hang of it after a few turns. Lets see how I will feel leaving Baby Boy for whole days. I have not been away from him for more than 2 hours.

I want to make a few goals, finding a way to make it happen will be challenging.

1) Get into the gym 3x/wk for an effective work-out.
2) Make myself up cuter. (wear make-up, get a hair cut!, wear cute clothes)
3) Go on a date with my husband and not talk about Baby (too much).
4) Get my desk and files organized and keep it that way.

2008?

2007-12-31T20:38:00.000-08:00

I have only recently began noticing what day of the week it is. Life since baby was born has been a terrifying, amazing, tearful, joyful experience all at the same time. I never could have imagined the love that I would feel for my baby, nor the extreme fatigue of loss of sleep. To make a long, long story very short... I got off to a horrible start of sleep deprivation because I did too much too soon. I ended up with a fever after a week. I slept less than 3 hrs/night for 5 weeks because of anxiety. I suffered from hallucinations, sometimes I would forget my baby's name or that he was a boy (so I made sure I dressed him in masculine colors, lol). I got "depression" from lack of sleep and anxiety, but I never wanted to hurt myself or the baby.

Since then, I've pulled out of it slowly from help from friends and my husband's cousins. If it weren't for them, I probably would have gone bonkers, really.

Have not been to the gym but a handful of times. I've lost a lot of muscle, and weigh 10lbs less than I did pre-pregnancy. Everyone says that I look great, but I feel soft and out-of-shape. I will find a way to get back into shape and get some muscle tone back. Baby steps...

Happy 2008, everyone! May the New Year bring many happy days.

My Birthing Experience

2007-09-28T21:41:00.001-07:00

Well, for being as prepared with all the research that I did, I was still nervous as heck. Went into hospital at 7am, got my BP taken and it was 127/92, sky high for me as I usu. run 110/60ish. I started to weep as the nurse was putting the IV into my arm. I was just scared s*$tless. Didn't receive Pitocin till 9am so I just hung out and ate popsicles and jello. Received Pitocin, nurse kept turning it up every 1/2hr-hour and the peaks were high, but I really didn't feel much of anything. I was going pee every hour and walking around. Had external monitors on, but they hurt and kept falling off so nurse couldn't get an accurate reading so they put 2 internal monitors on. oh, that was yucky having cords come out of my pookie.

My OB came in around 130pm and decided to break my water. I started to freak out and cry again, because I knew that there was no turning back after this occured. Surprisingly this didn't hurt. Then contractions started getting stronger, but very tolerable. Nurse kept asking about pain managemt. I was fine as long as I had the breaks in between. My room started getting crowded, and I started to feel stressed. I really should have told them to move out, but I didn't, couldn't say much because I was working thru the contractions. Got checked and was dilated to 4cm. My goal was 5cm before I had an epidural. I asked my husband what he thought, and he said that I should get it before it was too late. Since I've heard such good things about it, I decided to wait a little longer then get it.

After a while, I could really feel the pain, but I feel that I could have managed it had I kicked everyone out. Who knows for sure though. I hated having the blood tinged liquid that kept leaking out with each contraction and internal monitor cords, so uncomfortable.

At 5cm, decided on epidural. Now I was still really afraid to get the epi and started to cry as soon as I saw the cart wheeled into my room. Around 430pm, I got the epi with me sobbing the whole time. Asking for a very low dosage, the anesthsiologist said that he gave me a much lower dose than he gives patients. I told him that I still wanted to feel my legs. I also got a catheter, so now there were 3 cords coming out of my ying yang, argh.

Shortly after the epi, I started to shake uncontrollably every few seconds. I mean shake badly, my whole body. Then all of a sudden Baby's heartrate dropped dramatically. So much so, that they strapped on an oxygen mask to my face and called my OB. I was starting to freak bc I know they were thinking emergencey C. They had me roll over on both of my sides, no change. Then they had me get on my hands and knees, which I could bc I could feel my legs still. At that point, all I can think of was I'm soooo scared of getting the surgery, "please, God, No." Then I willed myself to stop thinking negatively and to take deep breaths. I did this, and Baby's heart rate went back up. Thankfully, I was able to lay back down. Then I started thinking that I shouldn't have gotten the epi, that I made a mistake.

I just laid the whole time, convulsing every few seconds. Tough to relax bc of the shakes. I just laid and listened to everyone yapping. "Shut the heck up", I was thinking, but then I didn't want everyone to leave either, they were so excited. I was trying to hold back negative thoughts of Baby's heart dropping again during delivery.

I could tell that I was getting near when I could feel pain and a really strong pressure during contractions. Got checked a few times, finally there was only a small piece of cervix left. I kept asking the nurse if I should have the epi turned up for the push part, she said that I could do it. My epi was so low, that I could feel the pain, but again manageable to an extent, I could take it.

Time to push arrived and the nurse told us the routine was to push for 10 seconds, 3 times in a row. My husband starting counting quickly and I could only get to the count of 6 before I lost my breath. Holy cow, I thought, this is tough. Then the OB, told him to SLOW the count down and count till 10. My husband said to the OB then she pushes not as hard for longer? The OB said that no she pushes just as hard but longer. I couldn't believe it, I had to hold my breath for that long? Are u kidding? Somehow, I managed to hold my breath most of the time for those long 10 seconds. My throat was getting so dry, I kept asking for sips of water. Mid-way through, I felt so nauseous and ended up yacking my guts out in a bag. Right when I finished, I felt a contraction and took my head out of the bag and immediately went into pushing. (I told myself, heck no, I'm not missing this contraction)

Towards the end, I pushed and felt extremely light-headed and thought that I was going to pass out, but the OB told me to push again. Somehow the feeling passed. The whole time, my OB had a stoic look on her face. I thought that I was doing something wrong because her expression was just so negative and unforgiving. Her bedside manners were horrible. I thought from the appts, that she would have been nice, but man, she was a Doc with an attitude. She never once smiled or answered nicely to any quests that my family asked, never once said a word to me. I had to shut my eyes tight whenever I pushed because I would see her negative face.

8:44pm and 57 minutes of pushing, our son was born. I cannot believe the size of him, I thought that I would not have a baby bigger than 6.5lbs. He was 7lbs 9oz and 20.5in long!

I was hemorrhaging a lot afterwards and was given a Methergen injection stat.

Now the pushing part seemed like the lesser of the evils in terms of all the weird effects I had of shakiness, monitors trailing out of me, catheters, epi, etc.

I nursed very soon after. Then, I was told that I had to pee, I was able to walk myself, and I tried soooo hard to pee, but I just couldn't! Nurse had to cath me again!!! Oh, that was miserable, and I had the urge to go sooo badly. Nurse told me that I would have to be cathed again if I didn't go within a few hours.

In my hospital room, I had to go soooo badly, and got up almost every 1/2 hr to try. Brought tears to my eyes, how badly I had to go, but couldn't. It would burn so much, I had 3 bags of I.V. and had tons of fluid wanting to come out. I was still nauseous and couldn't eat a thing. I felt so overwhelmed from the whole event, and thought there is no way that I would have another kid, holy crap.

I finally squeezed out some pee, painfully a 1/2 hour before nurse was coming to cath. It wasn't a let down response, my abdomen was squeezing inward and pushing the pee out. Hurt so badly and only a little would come out at a time. My roommate was peeing away, I could hear it, I was so jealous. Oh, that was the worse part of the whole ordeal in my eyes. I thought that my bladder would never go back to normal.

Well, gotta run to the restroom now, lol. Will post more on postpartum news. I'm sure that u guys got an eyeful with this post! You guys were right about everything by the way. :)

Check out my Slide Show!

2007-09-27T18:40:00.001-07:00

Meeting Baby tomorrow

2007-09-16T18:20:00.001-07:00

Ok, tomorrow is the day. I didn't sleep much last night, so come dawn, I wrote in my journal for an hour. I cried while writing, I'm so freakin' emotional right now. I felt better after and decided to go for it. This morning, I cried again, just for no reason but feeling stressed and nervous. My Husband and Mom have been so understanding.

Hospital bag is packed and ready. Going to eat to a bland breakfast and be on our way... Thanks for all of your positive, wonderful comments.

Not sure about this!

2007-09-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I've made the right decision about getting induced. I have been reading that the risks outweight the benefits, if it is an elective induction. This is what I've read on several sites:

(esp. for 1st time births)
Summary of induction risks. All of the forms of induction can lead to stronger, more painful, and more frequent contractions, which may lead the mother to use pain medications she might otherwise not require. These powerful contractions may also limit oxygen supply to the baby, so increase the risk of fetal distress. Also, due to the uncertainty of due dates, and the variation in the amount of time any given baby requires to reach maturity, early induction carries a risk of causing premature birth. There is a significant increase (double to triple) in the chance of cesarean and increased risk of forceps/vacuum delivery.

I'm not sure that I made the right choice. I'm thinking of backing out. We've told everyone already about Mon. My Mother has a limited amount of stay time, I know she is getting anxious but wants whats best (she is willing to wait, but I would feel bad). I'm ready to be done being pregnant, but having kids is not the time to be selfish. I'm really confused...

Induction Scheduled

2007-09-13T20:17:00.000-07:00

Saw OB today, and she seemed all for the induction even before I was going to mention it. The new OB (that I'm not fond of) is on-call all weekend so I asked about Mon. The lady OB is on that day. She seemed surprised that I wanted to wait that long. Uhh, I would probably wait longer if it weren't for Mom having limited time here and everyone else asking everyday.

I'm thinking too much, help. I wish that labor snuck up on me. Now that I know when it is, I am freakin' out. I'm scared that my pookie will be damaged and that it is going to HURT! Ok, ok, deep breaths, try to relax, right? Millions of women have done this, and more than once. Somehow that statement doesn't quell my fears. Especially after a friend that I spoke with that is expecting said that her OB told her that having a baby tears u up, and that many women OBs have elective Cesareans. The lady OB that left the practice I am at, had 2 elective C's. What message does that send me? GULP!

My rash is spreading and killing me with burning and itching. The Doc thinks it is pregnancy-related, I'm skeptical. She didn't give me much option except what I am doing, cortisone cream and Benadryl. Can't stand the Benadryl because I am like delirious when I take it, and it takes a while to shake off in the mornings. Controls the itch though.

Well, I'm going to try to relax now... I'm glad Mom is here, we've gone for nice walks and swims everyday. She is so awesome.

Patience...

2007-09-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

Still waiting... (drumming my fingers on the table)

Closing in on 40 Weeks!

2007-09-09T21:36:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to be patient. Trying to get some relaxation and enjoy time with my Mom before Baby comes. Still, I am antsy to be done with being pregnant. Everyone keeps asking, they are just trying to be nice to check, I know. I've been very grouchy lastly besides tired. I also have a terrible rash (contact dermatitis) on my belly and arm. I tried a new lotion a week ago (Palmer's cocoa butter) and got a severe allergic reaction on the places I put it. Besides being an angry red, I broke out in multiple pustules. It itches and burns soooo badly. I had to take Benadryl yesterday. I've never tried that before, and holy cow, it made me delirious tired and out-of-it. I also tried hydrocortisone, but didn't seem to help, still itched like crazy. Took a half dose of the Benadryl tonight because I felt too weird on the full dose.

My neighbor that was due the same time as me, had her baby yesterday early morn. Patience, patience...

I have something to report!

2007-09-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

Had my 39 week check today. OB says that I am 80% effaced, 0 dilation still. Also, Baby's head is at -1 station (last week was -3). Tummy growth is normal at 39cm and heart rate was good. I'm still gaining, increased another pound from last week. I've gained steadily this last month! I thought weight gain was suppose to slow down or cease, oh well. I had the lady OB today, and she was gentle, no rough palpations on my tum tum and no blood this time. I hope I get her for my delivery, but she is on-call the least.

Been busy, "nesting", I suppose. Set up pack 'n play, baby monitors, cleaning bottles, and finished packing hospital bag. Very sleepy again, nite all, you are all so great. Thanks for listening to my craziness.

39 Weeks

2007-09-04T22:13:00.000-07:00

I'm still here! Family and friends are starting to call with anxiousness, are you dilated at all, any contractions? No and NO, not an itch, not a hint of labor. Two of my friends, one due 2 wks before me, and 1 due the same time as me, were both dilated. The lady that is due the same time is dilated to 3cm already. Maybe it is because they are both on their 2nd kid? I have a feeling, I won't get that headstart. I'm still carrying high too. That's ok because my Mom is coming on Thurs, and I know that she wants to be a part of the birthing experience. I don't want to be induced though. I've heard that it is much more painful. Gotta do what I gotta do though. Doc doesn't want me to go over 7 days, and 10 days if I beg.

Had my last day of work today, which feels funny to me. Part of me is glad because my back and feet have been sore at the end of the day, but part of me feels guilty (the voice that says, you can still work a few more days). I'm sure I'll get over the guilt part. I have plenty of things to do to keep me busy, plus I'm still tired.

Still saying active, went for a half hour walk this morning and enjoyed the nice breeze, and went to gym after work and lifted on back and arms. I am surprised that I can still see my veins pop and definition in my arms while lifting. I've actually stay toned. :) Next appt. on Thurs. Must go to sleep now, so tired. Perhaps it is because I get up about 4-5x/night lately. Nite...

38 Weeks

2007-08-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

Had my 38 week check today, cervix is closed. Have not had any contractions either. The Doc palpated my belly with a lot of force and pressure today, very uncomfortable and makes me wonder if he is hurting Baby. Dislocating a little hip or something (I know Baby is ok just makes me wonder). :( Also, the vaginal exam had me bleeding today, yuck. Doc did another U/S and it determined head was down (though not yet engaged in pelvis).

I feel very, very tired this week. I'm so tired I can hardly think. I am glad that I will be done working next week. I thought i was suppose to get a burst of energy. Also, I'm tired of eating. I sometimes won't eat till I am sooo hungry. I just don't feel like it. I'm feeling depressed on and off.

Trying to stay positive. Did I say that I had a 25% chance of getting that new Doc, I meant 33%. I got the on-call schedule, and he is scheduled 4 days in a row after my due date so there is a good chance he will be delivering me if I'm a little late. I thought of switching practices, but it is too late to get to know new OBs? Plus, they have on-calls as well. I think that I am just too tired...

38 Weeks

2007-08-29T09:39:00.000-07:00

I got my 2nd opinion 2 days after from another OB at the same office. 1st thing he did was lead me into the U/S room. U/S revealed that Baby is head down. He says that Baby flipped him/herself, but I say that he was always in head down position. I could be mistaken, but I know the contours of my belly and where I feel the feet or digits kicking me. I have felt this position for a few weeks now. This OB was surprised that the other Doc did not check me with U/S given that they have one in every other room, also he said that you have to check U/S to see if amnio fluid levels were enough to even turn the baby.

I am relieved and glad. I don't want that new OB to deliver me though! I've lost total confidence in him. He is too eager and cocky. Did he think he could tell without U/S? Maybe he is that good, but he should still confirm with U/S before scheduling me for the hospital and giving me stress for a couple of days. They told me that they could not guarantee which OB would deliver since they rotate on-call schedules. I have a 25% chance of getting him. I would change practices but it is so late. If I get him and he tells me that I will need whatever procedure, I won't trust him, I would want a 2nd opinion!!

Next appt. tomorrow. So far, I feel the same, just heavier in my lower belly. Ready to be done, I am trying to be patient to allow Baby to come when he/she is ready. Thanks for listening and being supportive. It really helps and means a lot.

37 Weeks and Emotional

2007-08-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

Not sure if my hormones are responsible, but I am emotional and cry easily lately. I met with the new, younger OB that joined the practice. I just wanted to meet him since he is on the call schedule. He palpated my stomach quite vigorously and said that Baby was breeched. He then said that most babies won't turn anymore after 35 weeks. He recommended manual inversion of the Baby this Fri. He said that he would try 3 times to see if Baby would stay in position. He said that I should expect to be at the hospital for 4 hours. He estimated Baby's weight to be 7lbs. Also, he said that if the placenta detaches or other things that could go wrong, he would do an emergency C. Huh, what?

Last week, I was told by the other OB that Baby was about 5lbs and in the head down position. I got out to the parking lot and bawled. I then called the office back and scheduled with the other OB for tomorrow morning. I have lots of questions, and I want an U/S before I go to the hospital. Has anyone ever or known of anyone that has had an external cephalic version?

My friend told me that her baby was breeched from 25 weeks and never turned. She decided just to go with the C. I've read that inversion has about 50% success rate and can be painful and risky.

Anyhow, I will find out more tomorrow...

OB Appt 36 Weeks

2007-08-16T21:44:00.000-07:00

I had my OB appt. I saw the man today, he was very pleasant, but alas still said something that was strange to me. After checking me, he said that my cervix was closed and thick, and that he thinks that I will probably have a long labor. Now I know from talking to women about their experiences and reading about labors, that no one can predict how long you will labor. Plus, I'm still only 36 weeks, why would he say that? I'm sure I am sensitive, but that bugs. Whatever, dude. I may or may not have a long labor, only time will tell.

He estimated Baby to be about 5.5lbs presently. Baby's heart rate was 140bpm, my BP 100/62, weight gain thus far is 23lbs. Everything is looking good. :)

My Mom is coming the week before my due date. I know she has old school ways so I was trying to explain to her the protocols to actually go to the hospital. The doctor went through them with me, and if I'm not in active labor, they will send me home. I tried to tell her this, and she said that was ridiculous. My Mother has had very fast labors and deliveries so I can see why she wants me to go right away. I tried to tell her that I would rather labor at home during the early phase, and she said that I could do that at the hospital. Argh! I don't want to have to argue with her whilst in labor. May end up going to hospital and just being sent home so that I can appease her.

I'm feeling the groin pressure increasingly, and some lower back fatigue after standing for long periods and work. I can deal though, it could be worse. I go back and forth on getting nervous and apprehensive about labor/delivery. I just try to tell myself that many women have done this and multiple times. I'm trying to focus on being excited and to have positive thoughts or just not thinking about it at all. I must ask though, has anyone had back problems after having an epidural or known of anyone that has had chronic back pain because they had an epidural? (Yes, I know, I've got to quiet this inquisitive, crazy mind of mine)

Weekly Appointments Starting

2007-08-08T23:05:00.001-07:00

Baby is really wriggling around now, and I really love it (except for when I am trying to sleep, lol). I've gained weight much faster these last few weeks. My hunger and thirst have increased a lot. I feel like a piggy. I've been not been eating as healthily. I feel tired often, and just don't feel like making food, so I end up eating something packaged that doesn't even satisfy my hunger long.

I will be glad to be done with being pregnant, just because I'm tired of peoples' comments. Yes, I'm getting big, I know, I know, aren't I suppose to? I'm going into my last month. Everyone is telling me how great I look, but I feel blah. I took the time to curl my hair, do my make-up, and get a pedicure today because I feel so bleh! Didn't really help my not-so-cute feeling, but my toes look nice. The manicurist was all freaked out because she was nervous that I may get pre-mature contractions from a foot massage. I heard of this, but I know that there are certain pressure points, I wasn't worried about it.

I am still going to the gym, hee hee. I am doing the elliptical machine for about a half an hour and lifting lightly. I miss stretching my legs in a straddle stretch, but I'm too scared to do that (not sure why, just think it wouldn't be good).

I've been nesting like crazy: cleaning and re-arranging all the kitchen cabinets, organizing closets, taking things to Goodwill, getting Baby's room ready, etc. Husband thinks it's funny, as he looks for the silverware which is in a different drawer now.

Next OB appt. is Mon, and I go weekly from then on...

Some days

2007-07-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

Somedays, I feel like jumping out of my skin because I feel so uncomfortable carrying a load, and not knowing my own girth, so I end up ramming my tummy into the counter or a desk or whatever else that gets in my way. Then some days, I wake up running to the bathroom mirror while touching my stomach to be sure that I am still round and that Baby is still there.

I'm having a tough time breathing because my nose is so congested, and I usually breathe through my mouth. I am getting winded a lot easier while lifting, I tried to do some legs today, and I could do 5 reps of the exercise and then I would huff and puff. Work-outs are very hit and miss now. I feel like I am out-of-shape even though everyone objects.

Just been busy with working and his family visiting every weekend, and feeling very tired. I just want a quiet weekend.

I did have a nice baby shower. Baby got lots of fun and cute stuff.

I got some advice from one of husband's cousins, "Push like you are s&*$$ing a brick! It will feel like your pookie is being ripped apart." Uuumm, ok. Less than 7 weeks till due date...

26 Weeks

32 Weeks

Braxton-Hicks

2007-07-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

For 3 weeks now, my whole stomach tenses up and gets hard for a few seconds. This occurs when I wake up in the mornings and stretch my legs in bed, it made me nervous so I would just stop stretching and it would go away. My OB says that those are contractions. Oh my! Such a strange feeling to have my whole stomach tense up, doesn't hurt though. I suppose I can imagine this times 100 for labor?

I'm going on 1 more trip in a couple of weeks. Not sure if I should have said yes to this one, being that it is a 7 hour car trip one-way. We will have to stop every hour and a half so I can walk around, like when I was on the 6 hour airflight. I continuously drank water on the plane, but now there will not be access to a restroom exactly when I need it. Oh well, I will just have to make do, not looking forward to it though.

Many are asking when I am going to stop working. I would like to be as well-rested as possible before labor, but who the heck knows when that will be. Everyday not worked is no income for me, since my job doesn't pay vacation or holidays, let alone maternity leave. My plan is to go till a week before my due date, unless of course, Baby comes sooner.

I checked out the back of my thighs the other day, and I spied some cellulite! Wow, I was little taken aback, but it didn't bother me. I knew that I would gain some on the back end, lol. My deep innie navel is looking like a raised dome now. Looks like my belly ring holes are still open, ugh. All the fun stuff that comes with pregnancy. As of now, I don't know if I would do this again. (trying not to think too far ahead though) I'm already itching to be done, but I'm trying to enjoy the process, dang it!

For all u healthy eaters, I thought this was interesting: www.goodygirlstreats.com
Also, for those parents who go all out for parties: www.birthdayswithoutpressure.com

Stinkin' Cute

2007-07-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

"I just have to say that you are so stinkin' cute." A comment from one of the ladies at the gym. I thought this one was funny. I've had many ladies that have never peeped a word to me, come up and comment on my being pregnant and working out. Some days are tougher than others. Walking seems to be the most uncomfortable, biking and elliptical work better for me. Strange, but after I walk on the tread for awhile I get uncomfortable, and my stomach feels as if it may stretch to the floor. I did some squats, lunges (with 10lb weights), extensions, and sitting ham curls today.

Only 2 more childbirth prep classes. I still don't feel "prepped." I do feel more informed though. We practiced swaddling a toy baby. Watching my husband try to be delicate while folding the blanket over the play baby, made me crack up. I'm feeling very tired today after work and gym, sorry about the babbling again. Goodnight.

2007-07-09T20:30:00.001-07:00

I had an OB visit today. 2 weeks ago, I noticed a small, painless, squishy lump in my groin area near my thigh. I went to my OB office and had it checked out, that Doc wasn't sure what it was, she thought maybe lymph or lipoma. Went back today, saw another Doc that diagnosed me with: Inguinal Hernia. WHAT?? I have a hernia? She said that it would be evaluated after birth, but if it didn't go back in, then I would have to have surgery. At least it wasn't a tumor, but my mind of course starts going, and I think, did I lift too heavy? Did I do ab work too long? I asked and Doc told me it wasn't anything that I did.

On a positive not, heart rate of Baby was 150bpm, growth is normal, and my BP is still great at 110/62. Here's a brief definition of inguinal hernia:

An inguinal hernia occurs when tissue pushes through a weak spot in your groin muscle. This causes a bulge in the groin or scrotum. The bulge may hurt or burn.

You are more likely to get a hernia if you are overweight or you do a lot of lifting, coughing, or straining. Hernias are more common in men. A woman may get a hernia while she is pregnant because of the pressure on her belly wall.

Most people with hernias have surgery to repair them, even if they do not have symptoms. This is because surgery can prevent strangulation, a serious problem that occurs when tissue gets trapped inside the hernia.

My OB visits are increasing to every 2 weeks now and then every week starting at 35 weeks. I measured my waist for kicks, I'm at a whopping 38 and 1/4 inches!

Babble

2007-07-06T04:12:00.000-07:00

just feel like babbling...

It has been a struggle getting in dairy throughout the pregnancy since I was never big on milk or cheese or yogurt or other dairy products. I manage to get in about 2 cups of milk daily and supplement with vitamins. My Mom has severe osteoporosis so I know that I am setting myself up for that big time.

Also, I've only eaten fruit occasionally so I've tried to increase consumption of that as well. I had a frozen chocolate banana yesterday in Mystic, CT (dip the fruit in some chocolate, and I'll eat it right up). Husband and I went to the aquarium there, it was so cool because they had outdoor exhibits as well.

Sleeping has been good, I still get up about 2-3x/night, but sleep very well besides. I am peeing like crazy since 3rd trimester began. I have also had an increase in hunger. I can only get down smaller meals because I feel so dang full-bellied and bloated if I eat too much at a time. No matter what I eat before a work-out, I am famished after an hour.

I am wondering what the actual crowning part feels like. I've heard that it hurts and burns. I'm most apprehensive about that part. Does anyone know if an epidural takes that sensation away, or dulls it? Does it hurt the whole time that Baby is coming out?

I've had a nice break, mentally, on this vacation. Back to the grind very soon. I'm looking forward to returning to my home to sleep in my own bed and to be able to cook and eat at home again. Now, I only have to survive the 6.5 hours flight home...

10 Weeks

2007-07-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

I've been on vacation in MA for the last week. Hubby and I went to a conference for cont. education classes. Sat thru 15 hours of class, argh. I don't mind if the speaker keeps my attention. We also went to a Red Sox game. Wow, I just can't believe that they sell out all their games, it was sooo crowded. Fun experience though.

Ok, Baby is 30 weeks old now! Doc says that I can deliver anywhere between 37-41 weeks. Gettin' close is right. My weight gain has been really slow this last month, about 21 lbs total gain so far. I'm still keeping active even on this trip, which is great. We got week passes to a nearby gym, and have gone everyday except one. I feel great except when I eat too much at a time and feel sooo stuffed. Baby is active, which I love. I think it is so cute when Baby moves around.

We're missing a couple of childbirth prep classes, and one of the classes was on coaching for serious labor. My husband really needed to attend that one. I feel his apprenhension and nervousness, but I know he will try his best. I have no clue what will happen, but I will try to stay calm, breathe, and do my best to stay positive (and not freak out!). I'm really looking forward to meeting Baby. Will try to catch up with u all soon. Happy 4th!

Positive Thinking

2007-06-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

I've really been working on keeping a positive mindset about pregnancy, labor/delivery. I have you guys to thank for that. I am just going to try to enjoy my well-being while being pregnant and stay postive about delivery. I feel much better about trying to live in the moment and not think too much about what's to come. Keep in simple right, Meghan.

I've been swimming about 2-3 days/wk and lifting light weights about 4 d/wk. Today I walked for 30 min and rode on the stationary bike for 20. I feel like a turtle though. I'm afraid to walk any faster because of fear that I could make my groin soreness worse. I don't know if it would get worse, but I don't want to try it. I barely get my heart rate over 100, how sad, but I figure I am circulating my blood, hee hee. I will push more on the bike next round, at least to break a sweat.

My belly is ssstrrretching, esp. in my belly button region. I have a deep innie and it looks heck of funny because it is protruding now.

I'm going with a friend to register this Thurs. I'm so excited to go baby shopping! Also, my husband and I are starting a Childbirth prep series this week. I can't believe that I will be 28 weeks next Wed!

26 weeks

2007-06-04T20:56:00.001-07:00

Saw my OB today. Heart rate was 150bpm and my tummy measurement was average, reaching almost 26cm. I'm still not sure what I think of my Doc. She seems so "whatever, it's fine" with the questions that I ask. I asked about Kegels, she said non-chalantly that she didn't think it mattered either way, do them if I want. I asked about sleep positions again, any position just not on the belly. I've been researching ab exercises, and she told me not to do them, no sit-ups, no ab stretches because they could cause contractions. Huh? I asked about "readying the nipples" for breastfeeding (i.e. roughening them up by going braless, touching them, etc.), she said that stimulating the nipples could cause contractions also. Er? Also, she said that she doesn't recommend fetal monitoring, only be concerend if I notice Baby isn't moving much. Double huh?

I suppose no ab exercises for me, but I've read so much about how important it is to keep abs strong and the various exercises that I could do. I suppose I will get core work secondary to swimming and weight-lifting. I'm going for a diabetic check next Mon, standard for this office.

I've gained almost 20bls now, hee hee. My cheeks are getting really round, lol. Had a nice leg w/o today, got a sweat going and it felt great! Still having some groin soreness, but I don't think it has to do with exercise. I notice it even more when I get up in the morning. It's mild enough that I can continue to exercise :)

Groin ache

2007-05-31T10:54:00.000-07:00

I was sick all last week with a cold. My nose was running non-stop, and I had muscle aches. I've had a runny nose and sneeze often since I've been pregnant. I rested all week and then went on a walk when I was feeling better. I walked 45 min which felt great. When I got back, my groin area was sore! Yuk! Since then it has been mildly sore, it grosses me out. Called the OB office and they said that it was my ligaments stretching. I have not walked since, but I know that I should, I just don't want to make it worse. I'm going to make myself walk today, just for a shorter period of time.

Next appt. is this Mon. I have again read too much and stayed awake a few nights with anxiety. I know, I know that I will be ok, everything will be fine. I've always read that doing kegels are good before and after, and then I came across a post that said that kegels weren't good before delivery because it strengthens the perineum. The post said that if the perineum doesn't relax then tears occur, kegels were for after delivery. I suppose there are many schools of thought, now I am just confused. What do u guys think?

Tagged

2007-05-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. You need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

I've decided to change this to "Some things that you may not know about me." There are more than 7 things.

1. I still can't believe that I'm pregnant, and that I'm actually going to go thru labor and delivery even though my waist is closing in on 36inches, and I feel the prods and pushes daily!

2. I watch Food Network whenever I feel like relaxing. I try at least 4+ new recipes/month.

I wish that I could wear sneakers to work everyday.

I am a passive person most of the time and avoid conflict.

I use to avoid visiting my family while I was in college because the family issues would stress me out.

I was a part of a HS cheer/songleading squad that placed 3rd at a National Cheer Competition.

I walked onto a AAA Women's Cross Country & Track Team and became a scholarshipped athlete the next year.

My father use to batter my ex-stepmother.

My sister thinks that the winning lotto numbers are hidden within her dreams that she has to interpret.

My sister once threatened to "get me" & cussed me out & called me evil when I was in HS because I rented a scary movie for my 10 yo brother on his bday per his request. (I slept in my parent's room that night)

My other sister rammed a cart into my shins and threatened to slice my throat when we got into an argument.

My brother has ankylosing spondilitis (a degenerative, debiltating disc disease)

I wish that I had a sibling that I was close to.

I battled depression in my HS and early college years.

I don't like to waste (food, electricity, water, money, etc.).

I am constantly turning off lights around the house that are not being used.

I don't care if my socks have a hole or 2.

I strive to be a good person.

I strive to understand others' points of view.

I have come a long way in terms of my self-esteem and healthier lifestyle.

I am tagging . . .

Christie
Thirtyten
Em
Sarah
Meghan
Hillary
Rae

Goodbye to my belly ring!

2007-05-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

Well, after talking and reading on the net, seems to me that it would be best to take out my navel ring. I've had it for 11 years so it may/may not close. Many on-line said that theirs left a stretch mark in/around the holes because the belly kept stretching even with the ring out. I'm soooo not looking forward to that. :( I'm really sad about that, but perhaps I will get a tattoo to cover it up if it is bad, we'll see. I was going to try fishing line, but eh, forget it. May still get stretch marks there anyhow. I don't know... I can see the skin in between the holes protruding now, and that is freaking me out.

Some pics of me just shy of 24 weeks:

Charlie Horses!

2007-05-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, I called my OB office, and 1 of the OBs spoke with me. She told me that they do not usually ask fetal movement to be monitored until the 24th week (another week for me). After that, I should expect movement everyday if I'm paying attention of course. She also told me that my placenta is located anteriorly so that it cushions any blows from the front. Anyhow, I feel much better. I feel lucky that I could feel Baby at 20 weeks. I can't believe that in a week, I'll be 6 MONTHS! I'm rolling right along, literally my belly is getting nice and round.

If it's not 1 thing, it's another. I've been having these monster Charlie horses in my calves when I wake up in the morning and stretch my legs in bed. Holy crap! I touched my calf, only to find a large, round, HARD mass on it. Those really smart! Also, my skin is soo dry and my mouth parched most of the day. I've been trying to up my water, but it doesn't seem to help much. Anyhoo, another thing to address with the OB at my appt. in 2 weeks.

I didn't know there were such Fathers like mine that existed. I thought that he was one of the worst. I see that my Mother has been scarred for life; her inability to fight back the tears/sobs whenever she mentions anything from the past, her fear of ever loving another (which may be part of the reason she is single at the age of 66), her sudden quietness whenever she sees my Dad in the present... I have a hard time knowing the right thing to do when it comes to my Dad. He has had a string of misfortune financially mostly due to his own stupidity of never investing a dime into retirement and gambling all the money he had away. Therefore, he asks for money often, and I feel obliged to give it most of the time. Also, he wants to come visit and offered to help take care of Baby, but I don't think I have enough trust in him, and my Mom would probably be terribly hurt.

Not that I would ever want anyone to have a fallen parent, but it does help to know that I am not the only one with a less than optimal parent. Thanks for sharing, NBB and TT.

Fetal Movements?

2007-05-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

I had a fun time visiting with my Mom and sis and bro. We all went to lunch and they brought baby gifts, how sweet! My Father came too, he looked terribly thin and walked with a limp (from a stroke). My Dad and I don't speak much, it is a strained relationship. I have come to the conclusion that I will feel very sad when he passes though, thus I have made efforts to try to get to know him better. Getting to know him better has been bitter sweet. My father is a manipulator, womanizer, gambler, and has engaged in several crimes involving illegal gambling. He has some good qualities in that he was generous when he had money, and he is very social, and does have a good heart because he would help almost anyone in need if he could. Reality is that he really broke my Mother's heart by running off with a woman less than twice his age. The way he left, was that he took all his things when my Mother was out and didn't say a word. He left her with 3 children in a large city with no job, and she didn't even speak English at that time. Ok, enough about that...

I am wondering if anyone monitored their fetal movements. I am concerned because I have not felt Baby much in the last 3 days, only a few kicks here and there and not for longer than 2 minutes. My doc never mentioned monitoring, but I have read about it, and a friend told me that her doc had her monitor hers.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY All!

Baby Moves!

2007-05-07T12:11:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling weak movements in my belly about a week ago, and now they are getting stronger and increasing in frequency. It is sooo cool to be able to feel Baby jabbing and kicking me! He/She's doing it now, lol. Got in a great leg work-out today, was feeling good and energetic. Some days, I can barely lift anything, and just trudge through my work-outs, so I really enjoy the days that I feel good. Also, my tooth pain has finally let up, THANK GOODNESS! It's still swollen, and I can feel the bump, but at least I am almost pain-free. Gotta pack for vacation...

All the nice words that I receive

2007-05-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

"You're getting bigger!"

"Your getting wider!"

"Your butt is getting bigger too!"

"You've grown inches since I last saw you!"

Uuuh, Ok, yea, I am... (whimpering to myself and trying to make my exit as soon as I can)

These are some wonderful comments that I've received in the last couple of weeks. Makes me feel downright gorgeous, lol. My husband gave me a compliment without even trying, he told me that my arms are still lean and muscular. Funny, my arms are, I can still see veins pop when I lift. As for the rest of me, that's another story... I'm sure enjoying watching everyone else get hot and sexy bods in the gym and all the young chics wearing their small outfits (sigh). No really, I'm doing alright, I'm pregnant, dang it, nearly 5.5 months worth.

I'm going to see my Mom in Vegas so I get some time off! I always get the really guilty, I should be working or I should have taken less time off feeling. I don't get paid unless I work, so it makes it tough for me. No paid vacation time for this chica. Have a great weekend and week all, your comments and thoughts are always appreciated. :)

Cloth vs. Disposable

2007-04-30T21:06:00.000-07:00

I have been doing much investigating on the cloth vs. disposable diapers subject. I had no idea that the number 3 largest item in landfills was: Disposable Diapers! Not to mention the untreated bacteria laden feces and urine that accompany those diapers, the energy it takes to make a disposable and that it isn't even biodegradable for hundreds of years. They do have amazing positives though, like convenience!
Cloth diapers do have drawbacks such as using energy and potentially contaminating the water supply. Not to mention the time it takes to wash and fold.

This got me thinking about all the resources we use and don't give a thought to the ramifications that it has on our Earth. Where the heck does all that trash that we through out go? All those wrappers, containers, food, paper, tissues, etc. Since I've read about this I have become even more conscientious about what I use, waste, and I try to recycle anything that can be. I save papers and cardboard and bottles from work, and bring it home to throw into our recycle bin. If we don't start trying to conserve and recycle, we may have trash sitting on our front lawns someday. Anyhoo, just an interesting topic to me. Frustrating as well, as my husband will use 3 paper towels to dry his measly hands!!

Off the Pitty Pot

2007-04-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

I got off of my pitty pot today. I know that I am going thru changes, but these are all changes that come along with the territory of having a baby. I know that some women have symptoms way worse than me. I should be able to get thru this if I got thru running a marathon and then suffered from severe dehydration, vomiting my guts out the entire day or when I hiked Half Dome in Yosemite and again got dehydrated and was nearly losing my mind and yacking when I got to the top; I still finished within 8 hours up and back. Anything worth doing or accomplishing entails pushing thru the pain and sacrifice. Did I mention that I leak when I sneeze? And I sneeze a lot!

I had my 21 week U/S today. Got to see parts of the baby, saw his arms move. My husband was adamant that the gender remain a surprise, but I was looking hard, but could not tell its foot from its stomache. Saw the little heart beating. Doctor said that all looked normal. I asked about episiotomy rates, the Doc said that the trend is not to perform an episiotomy if at all possible, he said that their rate is about 20%. Hmmf, we'll see, ALL of the ladies that I have spoken with have all had one and tore. Again, whatever has to be done, I will live (hopefully).

I can mention some positives such as I am still moving along and lifting at the gym and doing lite cardio. My energy levels have been up, and I have been able to function better in terms of getting errands done, cooking, organizing, etc. I am very regular and have virtually no probs in the bathroom arena. I have an amazing network of blood vessels sprawled across my chest area, lol. The health of Baby seems to be doing well. I will try to remember to feel blessed to be able to carry and harbor a life. Thank you so much for being there for my ups and downs.

Bigger and Bigger

2007-04-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

OMG, I am feeling large. My boobs feel heavy and my stomache is just pooching and getting heavier as well. I am just not feeling comfortable. In fact, I am getting downright nervous and anxious because I know that I am going to get bigger and heavier in the next couple of months. It scares me because I am already uncomfortable. Perhaps, I just need to adjust and that will take a little more time. I feel like a woos because millions of women do this. I'm also feeling emotional, as I tear/cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I watch commercials and TV shows, and I cry when I think of myself getting bigger, I cry when I think about life and about death.

OH, yesterday, I felt my calves getting really tight, like I had just done some sets of calf raises. I look down and my feet are so swollen! My little toes were these short, stubby, puffed up things. My calves were really hard. My feet looked like they belonged to those of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. My feet kind of ached, it certaintly was not comfortable or pretty.

My skin is extremely sensitive. My face is a blotchy reddish color, and it stings when I put moisturizer on it. My allergies are still killing me, the inside of my nose stings from the rawness of blowing it and sneezing so often. My perineum is sore after I sit. My freakin' tooth (that I got a root canal on) still HURTS! I don't know how much longer I can take it.

I know this will all be worth it when I get to hold little Baby in my arms. I am just emotional and needed to vent. Tomorrow is U/S, so I can see Baby and hopefully feel better.

Emergency Root Canal

2007-04-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

I have been in constant tooth pain since last Sun. I called my dentist yesterday morning to ask what the best pain relief for my tooth since I was pregnant, and wanted to know how much I could take at once. The receptionist seemed very concerned since I have been in pain and there was a lot of swelling in the area, she was adamant that I be seen today by the dentist that I was referred to. I went in the afternoon and got my 3 injections of anesthetic (probably lidocaine), a root canal, and 3 more x-rays! I have had a total of 9 or 10 x-rays since Jan. of this year. :( The procedure took an hour. I subconsciously talked to Baby during, and kept telling him/her that it would be ok, and that I was sorry, but this has to be done. I told Baby to hang on and that he/she would be alright. Of course, I was trying to convince and calm myself while the loud drilling was going on.

Right after, I was in PAIN to a higher degree than this past week. I called my OB and asked about Tylenol with Codeine, as soon as I was given the OK, I put down the phone and popped that pill. I had relief in about an hour and a half.

Yesterday was my Husband and my 2 year anniversary. He had made us dinner plans at a nice restaurant, but there was no way I could really chew after that root canal. We went to a local restaurant where I had some soup and a few bites of pasta. Then we took a nice stroll around a nearby, nicely landscaped college. We had a nice time watching the ducks and older couples walk around. Husband also got me a pregnancy massage, how nice. He made the appointment for that day, but again I couldn't make it with the pain I was in.

My tummy seems to be stretching a bit more. I will have to make the decision about my navel ring very soon. It doesn't hurt, but I can see the skin stretching in that area. I am thinking of going with the fishing line...

Ah Crap!

2007-04-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

Crap, I have to get another root canal. The area is infected and causing me great pain! I'm not even getting the procedure done for another 2 wks. I may try to pop some Tylenol. I don't have dental insurance so this will cost an arm or 2.

Wondering if anyone had pressure in their perineum area during pregnancy? I've had it for the last month or so, if I sit longer than 15 min, the area gets sore, and I even have trouble walking because of the soreness. Oh well... My boobies r getting large! I'm busting out of my bras. I may have to break down and get some new ones very soon. Next Ultrasound in 2 wks.

Tooth Pain Sux!

2007-04-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

I have straight, white teeth, and I have never had braces, BUT I have the worst teeth ever in terms of cavities. I had several cavities as a child, and the cement has gotten old and worn out as I got older, and this has caused me many problems. I've had at least 3 root canals and had a tooth extracted! which left me with a missing tooth (I was awake for this awful extraction which took 45min of the dentist tugging and pulling and yanking. He actually had to put a foot up on the chair to brace himself, he was tugging so hard).

Last year, I had a titantium post implanted into the bone of my jaw. This post served as the anchor for my fake tooth, I now have. This year alone, I have had 5 dental x-rays already. In Jan, my tooth, upper left was hurting, so I went to have it checked. This tooth is a crown since I had a root canal done on it. The dentist said to wait because I was in 1st trimester pregnancy. The pain, thankfully receded after 2 painful weeks. 4 days now, the pain has returned, and it really hurts! I cannot eat on that side at all, and it hurts like a mother all the time. I don't want to get another x-ray, but dentist says that he has to take the x-ray to see what is going on and that the radiation is minimal. I just get nervous because I've already had several x-rays in a short amount of time. I hope Baby will be ok, they keep telling me that it is ok. I'm still going to call my OB tomorrow to double check. My damn teeth! I go tomorrow morning to the dentist. :(

I am still feeling tired, but trudging along. My face resembles that of a pimply-faced teenager. I purchased concealer for the 1st time, doesn't seem to help much. I finally got some maternity pants, they are so comfy. I may wear them when I'm not preggie. Everyone in Blogland seems to be doing so well in terms of staying with their fitness/health goals. I'm a bit envious, but I know my time will come soon enough, when I will have to work my tail end off to get back into anything resembling my pre-preg figure. Go Beach Body Babes, you are doing awesome!

Update

2007-04-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

You all are really too nice to call me a Hot Mama, lol. More like Beach Ball Mama. I am still having pressure on my bottom area when I sit and it gets sore if I sit too long, I imagine that this pressure is here to stay. My energy levels have been better this week, thank goodness. I am still lifting and doing lite cardio. I can feel that lifting is slightly tougher because I can really feel the "pull" in my abdominal area if I'm not paying attention to close form and holding my core tight. Allergies are still rampant. I've tried Sudafed and Actifed and both do nothing. I still sneeze, cough, and have watery eyes. I've decided just to ride it out.

Nothing to report really. Just watching everyone at the gym trying to get their beach bods on, while I am getting my inflating beach ball bod on. You guys were right, my hunger has returned. If I miss a meal, my stomache growls soo loud, sounds like it is yelling. I tell my Husband that Baby is yelling at me to eat. Everything is Baby's doing... That wasn't me burping, that was the Baby, Baby has gas tonight, Baby wants to eat chocolate chip cookies, Baby is getting sleepy, Baby needs to go pee pee.

Poundage

2007-04-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

Remember when I said that I felt pretty and good, well I changed my mind. I can tell that this week, I have put on some poundage. This weight is not just on my belly, I feel my thighs and butt getting bigger. My pants are getting snug in the thigh area when I sit down, and they have always been loose in my dress pants. I knew that I would gain everywhere, but I thought that it would happen later. I have been eating ok, could be much better, but with my fatigue I have not been cooking or prepping food to bring to work. I'm not going to diet, but I am going to try to eat healthier and watch the fat content. I've courageously posted some comparison photos thus far, lol.

I talked to Husband about keeping my belly ring in with a special ring that bends and that has info on the net that claims it works safely. Husband of course told me that Doctor wanted me to take it out and got that tone in his voice. Phooey, Doctor doesn't know so he is trying to be on the safe side. We'll see, I will keep researching. If I must take it out, no big deal. I'll just get a tattoo over the scar tissue area, ha! I've already had my navel pierced twice, because the 1st time it got infected. I don't want to try to pursue a 3rd piercing thru scar tissue.

I feel like as$ lately, really. I struggle to get through my work days and my work-outs. I still feel down most of the time. I feel like I am sleeping enough. I sleep close to about 8 hrs/night. It's just the pregnancy blues. I know that I will get through this, but it still sux. I get a mini vacation next month to visit my Mom, and I can't wait!

5 Weeks

11 Weeks

17 Weeks and a 34inch waist!

A Cloud has lifted, at least for today.

2007-03-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

Feeling better today in terms of energy, I had some! I'm not sure if it had anything to do with the Sudafed I popped, but oh well, felt good. After work, I got in a work-out that left me with a light sweat. Feels soo great to sweat! I've been dragging through my work-outs lately, so it felt nice to have some strength. Then, I went home, bathed, and made some baked ziti with toasted fresh French bread with butter, mmmm.

The Sudafed did not seem to help at all with my congestion and definitely not with the sneezing. I may ask if I can take Benadryl because my allergies are bad. I can take it though, I'm not losing any sleep with it. I'm actually sleeping like a log lately, except for my twice a night nocturnal pee.

I have 2 weeks straight of working 6 days, this will be my 2nd week, ugh. I am going to attend a baby shower this weekend, my husband's friend's wife. She is having twins, a girl and a boy, how lucky is that? This couple had a really rough time trying to conceive so what a blessing.

I have had a belly ring for almost 10 yrs. Does anyone know about belly rings and pregnancy? My doc told me that I would have to take it out, which I'm sure I will have to sooner or later. I've seen advertisements in preg magazines about different kinds of navel rings that u could wear during pregnancy, but I don't know about that.

Many are asking if we are going to find out the gender of Baby. We are going to leave it a surprise. I need something to keep me going during delivery, lol. Bring on the green, yellow, and orange colors! I like lavender too, but my some say that is feminine. Eh, whatever, I like that color.

Best wishes to NewbieBB on her 1st bodybuilding competition this weekend!!

Pregnancy Blues

2007-03-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired to the point where I feel a bit down in my moods. I don't feel like doing much. I don't feel like working-out, cooking, going to work, sometimes I don't even feel like taking a shower because it takes too much effort. I've been laying in the bathtub instead, with lukewarm water which to me is COLD because I like my baths nice and HOT. My appetite is not as big as it was a couple of weeks ago. Perhaps it is because I am not working out as hard or as much. I've been eating a smaller amount, but I try to eat several times/day. I've gained close to 7lbs.

Saw the OB and heard the Baby's heartbeat at 150bpm. So does this mean it's a girl since the heart rate is faster now, lol? I went online to the Chinese Gender Predictor, it predicts that I will have a girl. Hubby's parents want a boy because all the grandkids are girls thus far. I think having a girl would be so wonderful, but yet a boy would be just as fun, but probably more rambunctious. I asked my OB questions about sleep positions, and she told me that any position was fine. She said that during labor would be when she would recommend lying on my side and not my back. Hhmm, interesting how info. is different from varying sources and different docs. I'm getting more use to sleeping on my sides now although I still catch myself rolling onto my back.

I decided not to get the AFP test done. My doctor proceeded to tell me the things that it could detect, including a trisomy that could go to full-term and not be a viable birth. Argh, you're freakin' me out again! I just don't want to deal with it, I'm too tired to, I signed the decline form. I don't want to worry. I am getting sneakin' suspicions that maybe something is wrong lately (since I'm not as hungry, and I feel like I'm at a plateau), but I'm trying to think positive and most of the time, I'm trying not to think at all. My body is doing it's work naturally so I don't have to worry.

I just want to lay down all the time and watch the food network.

2nd Trimester, Honeymoon Phase my bootay.

2007-03-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

I thought that I was suppose to be more tired during 1st trimester, but I have been zonked the last few weeks. I mean tiiirred, even when I awake in the morning. I usually have great energy when I wake, but lately I am dragging. I usu. hit the gym for cardio in the am. Lately, I drag myself there and talk myself into completing only 20 minutes, and that's a chore. Got home from a busy day at work today, ate some popcorn and fell asleep for almost 2 hours. Been up for a half hour now, and I am going to snooze again for the night in just a bit.

I'm still looking into pilates/yoga DVD, but there are many so I am slow to making a decision.

My allergies are horrible some days. I sneeze countless times and my throat feels itchy and swollen. I have an appointment with OB this Mon. for a doppler to listen to Baby's heart, so I am going to inquire about allergy meds. I have taken no meds and was hoping not to, but I may need some allergy relief. I have already compiled another long list of questions for the OB.

About the pregnancy "glow", well I am glowing with some redness and break-out on my chin. :( My hair is growing like a weed though, so I am hacking some off tomorrow with my hair dresser. I want to get some highlights, but no chances taken with me on that. I would probably stress too much, lol.

I am "showing" now as I am told by many. Lots at the gym are asking if I am preg. I wear my little, round belly with pride. I do need to get some maternity pants soon. I am wearing my current slacks, but not buttoning them. My husband told me to get some pants before my unbuttoned ones slide down and show my britches.

I have been hearing about many birthing experiences, and everyone in really different. Most have had an epidural or some type of pain med, and all have had an episiotomy or has tore. Ugh, that visual sends me reeling, but I know, I know one heals. I heard from one person, that you don't have to push, that the contractions do it for you, and I thought, WHAT? No way, what about all the movies of the woman's face turning blue from pushing? I know that you have to push, right? At least at a certain time when the dilation is sufficient. Anyhow, I have been a little nervous about that, but trying just to gather info. for my sake.

I am getting very sleepy again. Going to drink a glass of milky and head off to bed. Night, night. Oh, Happy 15 weeks to me!

I am having fun being pregnant :)

2007-03-12T22:34:00.000-07:00

Weather has been soo nice and warm, reaching the upper 70's! I have been going for nice walks around the neighborhood, but my nose runs, and I start sneezing my head off. The area I live in is known for bad allergies. I get them pretty bad the 1st few weeks of spring. I'm still getting into the weight room also. My husband threw a voice of concern last week, saying that I was working out too much. (here we go again) I have been lifting 4d/wk and cardio 5d/wk, and these are light work-outs, and I feel fine. I started to stress again wondering if I had done some damage. I have decided to lighten up my work-outs even more in terms of the amount of weight. The way I have been lifting is I stop after I feel the 1st burn for a couple of reps. On a few exercises I have been feeling slight discomfort in my lower abdomen, but I get that occasionally anyhow (so not sure if those exercises are causing it so I just stop). I am a couple of days from the 14 week mark so I suppose I have to alter laying flat on my back for crunches (although Eileen said that she did exercises on her back, can you elaborate?).

Sleeping is a b*%$h for me. I am tossing and turning trying to fall asleep all the time. It is so hard to get comfortable even with a pillow between my legs. I want to sleep on my belly!! or on my back!! Wwaaaa. Ok, done with my fit. I have been a busy bee organzing the drawers and rooms in the house. I have gotten rid on tons of stuff, re-arranged, bought baskets, boxes, tupperware to organize things, etc. My husband says that I am "nesting." I thought that was hilarious. Makes me sound like a bird.

I purchased my 1st maternity tops. :) They are cute too. I am getting excited, and I am enjoying being pregnant so far. I actually feel pretty and healthy and natural. I am going to try to enjoy this experience and let myself feel happy. I still feel awkward talking to Baby so I have been reading to Baby before bed, a book that my MIL got for Baby. I know I am jumping around in subjects, but did any of you get the AFP or multiple markers test? I am debating, but I am thinking not because I don't want to go through the stress if it comes out abnormal. Plus, many babies come out normal even when there is an abnormal result. Just wondering how some of you feel about it and your points of view. I better get ready for bed, and start wrestling with the sheets. :(

Look at Baby!

2007-03-05T21:25:00.000-08:00

I saw Baby for the 1st time. Got to see his heart beating at 136 bpm and his measurement at 6cm. Aaannnd... I got to hear the doctor say that everything looks NORMAL! I am 12weeks and 5days along. How they get so precise is beyond me. Due date is Sept. 12th. Good gosh, I am going to be HOT the last couple of months. Thanks to all that gave me positive energy and support. I really needed that and continue to need that, lol. Here is a picture of baby:

Happy Birthday to Me

2007-03-02T22:17:00.000-08:00

Today was my birthday, and it was a really nice day even though I worked. Many remembered my bday and called to wish me a Happy Day. That just touches my heart. It may seem like it is just another day, but it really does mean a lot just for someone to say those words, letting me know that they care. My husband had 6 long-stemmed red roses delivered to my office. Oh, they were gorgeous. We went to dinner and then to Cold Stone for dessert with another couple. Uuum, has anyone had the cake batter ice cream, can you say yum? It was a lovely evening. I am now 34 yrs old, holy crap! When I compete again, I will be in the Master's Class (as Christie keeps reminding me). Those master's women are quite amazing though. I would assume that most of them have had kids also.

I am feeling more changes lately. Earlier in the pregnancy, I was visiting the bathroom often, and then that subsided, but now that has returned, and I am peeing every couple of hours. This last week, my stomache is really unsettled, but not to the point where I feel like vomiting. I also have a few pangs occasionally in my lower abdomen and in my breasts too. I am defininately getting rounder in my belly. My appt. for U/S is this Monday. I know that I should be excited, but I am nervous, dang it. I keep re-playing my 1st doc visit, where I was soo excited and then after the exam, was in tears for a couple of days. I know that I can't expect to see a lot and may not even see the heartbeat, but really I am hoping, just hoping to see even a shadow of a peanut shape. Doesn't even have to be a peanut shape, it could be an amorphous shape, it could be any shape, and I would be glad. I don't know what they could say or find out that could be bad, so I think that my worries are unfounded. Honestly, I have just been trying to live my life like I always have and trying not to think too much about being pregnant. This has worked pretty well, but now I have to pay attention because my appt. is coming up. Again, I tell myself that I can and will face anything that comes my way. I'm doing ok, and everything will be as it should be. Night, night, I gotta get up early for a quick spin at the gym and then go to work.

I'm still here

2007-02-25T16:54:00.000-08:00

Awww, thanks for checking in on me. I'm still around, mostly reading about you all. I must say that you are all so inspiring, and I love being able to peek into the lives of such amazing women. Nothing exciting going on with me. I am still feeling damn good. My boobs are even beginning to feel better. I'm not gagging as much either, only when I brush my teeth. I have been stealing more sleep and naps whenever I can. I'm still consistently going to the gym. After doing more reading, I have decided to make sure that I get my ab work in. I was really babying my ab work, but after reading some info. of ab work with pregnancy, it has quenched my fears of doing any harm. However, I have been itching to do some backbends, because I love feeling that stretch in my my back and abs. I just am too scared to do it. I bridged half way and felt like it was stretching my stomache like crazy so I stopped. Just going to try not to think about it. I miss gymnastics too. I just go into the aerobics room occasionally and perform a few cartwheels, handstands, and headstands.
Ok, ok, I feel a bit out of shape and a little morose. I just feel glum occasionally. I'm not sure if it is because I'm not working out as I am use to or if I feel unfit because I feel bloated all the time. I don't know... I'm just trying to be appreciative for all that I have and that helps me get through my days. I know this post was hecka boring. :)

Am I sure I'm Pregnant?

2007-02-15T21:39:00.000-08:00

Today was a lovely, warmish (60's), sunny day. I went for a nice 40min walk outside. I talked with my Mom on the cell for part of it. I miss my Mom and wish that we could see each other more often. She says that she is going to take 2 weeks off during my due date to be at the hospital with me and help me for a little. I want my children to know my Mom because her laughter is a ray of sunshine and her heart is bigger than anyone I have known. (excuse my cheese)
I had another episode of anxiety today. I called my OB's office to find out what kind of sound I would be getting at my next appt. in 2 weeks. The lady told me that it was going to be the intravaginal sound again because it is early. I will be in my 11th week then. A pregnant friend of mine said that she just got her sound on her tummy at 12wks and could see the baby. She said that they only did a intravag sound when they suspected something was wrong. So, I began panicking and wondering if the doc suspected something or was looking for something. Maybe I wasn't even pregnant. Maybe they weren't telling me something. Should I take another preg test? I called them back, and asked about my lab results again. I was told that everything was fine, that the HCG levels was a good number, that they routinely did intravag sounds when the baby is small so that they can see more. I asked if I should just wait, and she suggested that I just keep the appt. Ok, ok, I began to feel better again. Oh brother, I better be preg with this expanding waistline.
I did a leg work-out today. Seemed like a few people that I knew was making light conversation and casually asked when we were having babies. What the heck? Do I have it written on me or something? I wear fairly loose clothing and cover up with long sleeves and pants, I know that I can't be showing yet. I feel that I am in the phase where people are wondering if I ate a little too much during the holidays. I don't feel like I should lie so I told them that I was pregnant. Feels surreal to say it. I still have only peed on a stick and had the doc office tell me that I have the hormones. So amazing...
Congrats to EM and SARAH on their lovely baby boys!

Bloat, gag, and spit

2007-02-12T20:39:00.000-08:00

I am feeling soooo bloated all the time. My jeans are hecka uncomfortable now. I've maybe gained 1lb. My boobs are getting really full on the top, wowsers! Anyhow, this week marks my 8th week, I'm so happy about that. I have to admit that I still get nervous to be excited, but I am trying to stay positive. No sickness yet, but I do a lot of gagging. I tend to get a lot of hot saliva in my mouth and start to gag and spit, gag and spit. Brushing my teeth makes me do this too besides just randomly throughout the day. I also have a localized pain on the left side of my lower back. Er? Don't know why, but it is just there and feels worse if I lift anything remotely heavy. Still, I cannot complain, feeling good. Next appt. in 2nd week of March. I found out about 5 other people that I know are pregnant too. Wow, tis the season!
Thank you again for all of the support and comments. You are helping me get through this time, and I really appreciate it.
I did a chest/tri/calves w/o today. I am going to post what I did for myself to keep track and see what I've done.
All 3 sets betwee 10-15reps:

Incline DB Press - 25lb DBs

Incline DB Flyes - 15lbs DBs

Cable Flyes - 15lbs ea side

DB Kickbacks - 12lbs

Push-downs with angled bar - 20lbs

Seated Calf Raises SS with Standing Calf Raises

Feeling the fatigue

2007-02-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

I'm still here and feeling good but a lot more tired. I did call to see how my blood/urine work went. Everything is normal, HCG levels revealed about 7 week levels (last week). I am returning for sonogram 2nd week of March.

My work-outs have really been toned down. Now when I lift, I feel my muscles fatigue faster, and I am lifting lighter. I think that my fitness levels may be going down since I have lowered the intensity. Oh well, I will just keep trying to keep tone. I had a good leg work-out last week. I pumped out some BB squats with 95lbs for 10 reps for 3 sets, holding at the bottom. Felt very comfortable doing this, but probably the last time I will do them. I am going to be switching to plie squats with some DBs. I did some lying leg curls and my husband threw me that curious look of, "are u suppose to be doing those?" I am understanding that I can do almost whatever as long as it doesn't hurt or feel uncomfortable.

Just wanting to send good vibes and positive energy to Em and Sarah, whom are due any day now!

Getting back to the gym

2007-01-31T09:27:00.000-08:00

Just finished my simply potatoes, 3 egg whites, and whole wheat toast with natty PB and a BB eggo. Yum! I love breakfast. You know I am feeling better when I start talking about food again. I did go yesterday to the lab to get my blood draw, an hour before work. I waited 45 min, but still didn't get seen so I had to leave for work. Anyhow, I'm over it for the most part. I guess I worried myself out. I am feeling more positive, and I just feel like I will deal with whatever happens when or if it happens.

I got in a back work-out last night and walked for 40min on tread :) All 3 sets, between 10-13reps with lighter weight
Pull-downs: 60lbs
1 Arm DB Rows: 20lb DBs
Cable Rows: 60lbs
Preacher Curls: 8lbs
DB Curls: 10lbs

This morning I did 30min on elliptical, stretched, and did some lite ab work. I did some "half" crunches and plank holds. I am monitoring myself carefully, nothing hurt, I felt "comfortable". I plan on going to gym after work for some weights. Now off to work, I go. Have a great day!

Mental Break

2007-01-29T15:01:00.000-08:00

Hubs and I went to Vegas for a weekend trip. He attended classes for cont. education, and I hung out with my Mom and sister. I had a nice time. It was nice to take a mental break from everything: no phone, computer, work, cleaning, cooking, etc. The baby talk that was done was mellow. I didn't allow myself to say anything negative. My husband presented names to me at a nice steak dinner we had. He got to make the spelling of the name (which I do not agree with because it does not look like how it is pronounced) because I chose the middle name.

I got a massage while I was there, and it was wonderful. When I laid on my tummy, however, my boobs were hurting like crazy. I took it for a few minutes, but I couldn't enjoy anything with that pain. I finally asked for a towel to put underneath. I put the towel and my arm beneath me, seemed to help.

Before I left, I went to get blood and urine tests. I went ahead and did the HCG levels. The levels were suppose to be done 2 days apart, but I went out of town. The doc office told me to go ahead and do it later although that was not optimal (not sure why). I will be going tomorrow morning for the 2nd draw. Hope everyone is doing well, I must catch up with you all when I get more time.

Let Down

2007-01-23T09:03:00.000-08:00

I was sooo looking forward to the OB appt. so that I could find out how far along I was. I was excited. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I figured 6-8 wks since I had not had a cycle for almost 3 months. OB does the ultrasound (not on the tummy, thru where the sun doesn't shine) and he says that it is so small that he cannot even see it on the screen. He termed it an embryo and emphasized that it was not even a fetus. He told me that he would venture at 5.5 weeks at most. He said that at this point he could not determine if this is a pregnancy or a miscarriage. He said that if I wanted some peace of mind that the preg was going well, that I could take a couple of blood tests to measure my HCG levels. If the levels were rising than that would indicate pregnancy was progressing if not, then well, no baby. I felt like my day had gone completely black. I felt like sobbing right there, but I didn't. My husband was there too and as always, he was cool and matter-of-fact about it. I did cry to myself when I got home as I am tearing as I write this post. I'm just freakin' emotional right now.

After going back and forth about getting the blood tests, I have decided not to do it. OB wants to see me back in 3 wks to try the sound again. I figure that God will make these decisions, and I will find out soon anyhow, no matter what tests I take. If it isn't meant to be at this time, then it isn't, and I have to accept that. I can try to relax some and at least be glad that I have no pain or bleeding at this point. I am just going to try to eat well, exercise in moderation, and relax. Did I say that I was going to try to relax! Glad that we have not let the cat out to friends yet. Gotta get ready and get my bootay to work.

1st Appointment

2007-01-18T18:04:00.000-08:00

I had my 1st OB appt. today, but it was just getting detailed history on my husband and me and our families and ordering some blood and urine tests. They had me watch a prenatal video which was hilarious because it looked like it was from the 70's. The docs had mustaches and many of the women had huge, colored glasses on. They showed pregnant women doing exercises in leotards. Good gosh, I seriously don't think I would be caught in a leotard while pregnant. Afterwards I had a dental appt. (the med assistant at the OB told me that xrays would be fine as long as they covered my abdominal area) They proceeded to do some put me in some contraption for xray when I told them that I was pregnant. The assistant stopped, and led me into another room for a "smaller" xray. She doubled up the lead cover on me and then stuck a metal piece in my mouth. I started feeling nervous, wondering if I should just not get the xray. I half thought that my stomache was going to go up in flames as I heard the beep of the xray go off. Why do the techs leave the room when patients are xrayed, hhmm? (JK, they have to push the button, right?)

I am still feeling wonderful except boobs and the peeing thing. Been going to the gym, lifting lightly and doing lite cardio. I did Ch/Tri today and walked for 30min and hopped on the elliptical for 20min. Ultrasound is on Mon. Can't wait.

Finding the right exercise regimen

2007-01-13T22:38:00.000-08:00

I am feeling much less anxiety now, although I will still have thoughts that paralyze me and get my heart racing. I did get the "What to Expect" and "Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" books. Both very good reads so far, so thank u for the recommendations.

I am feeling great except for the boob soreness and the fact that I feel like my bladder is the size of a golf ball now. I tell ya, I am peeing every hour it seems. I usually have 2 nocturnal pees at that. In the gym, I am really working on turning down the intensity. This has been tough for me, as I feel good, and I want to feel like I've worked out without over-exerting myself. I lifted on legs last night, and hubby had to tell me a couple of times to back off the weight. I didn't think that the weight was that tough, I listened though because I wasn't sure. I am still finding the zone that makes me feel like I exercised without kicking my ass too hard. Like my husband says, I am no longer priority. I am perfectly fine with this as I want to do all I can to have a healthy baby (like any normal woman, oh gosh, I'm normal?). I can tell you though, I can't wait to have the baby and get back into hard training. For now, I will watch all of you buff gals and try to enjoy this pregnancy experience (if that's possible)!

I have been eating well, no cravings yet. In fact, I don't crave anything but good, hearty food that fills me up. I have dropped from 121 to 118lbs, so I feel that I should try to up my cals if I can, don't want to burn my muscle off. From my last cycle, I figure that I am anywhere from 6-8wks. We'll see though, have my 1st appt. end of this week and an ultrasound early next week.

Fit Pregnancy

2007-01-10T09:24:00.000-08:00

Well, of course my goals have been altered. I do plan on having a "fit pregnancy" and maintaining and doing what I can. I am lifting and doing easy cardio about 4x/wk. I have been eating clean, at roughly 2200cal/day. This week I have dropped 2lbs. I may just be dehydrated so I am going to try to drink more water. I tend to not drink as much when it is winter because I feel cold most of the time.
Does anyone know when or if breast tenderness subsides? I'm sure this will be the least of my symptoms, but just wondering. Also, I have not slept through a whole night lately. I wake up about 4am. I get up, eat and watch my cooking shows that I've recorded. Then I go back to bed. I know everyone is different so if anyone has stories to share, please do! Have a great day.

THANK YOU!

2007-01-09T20:14:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to tell everyone thanks and how much it means to me to be able to share my crazy thoughts. I actually have not told anyone except my family yet because of the "it may be too early" thing. I couldn't hold it in with you guys though. I am glad that I feel comfortable enough knowing that you all would be there through the good and bad. Thank you, thank you... Ok, I'm going to cry now. LoL just pulling the hormonal preggo lady thing already. :) No, really you guys are soooo awesome!

On another note, don't think I have stopped working out or eating clean. Funny that since I have been eating clean, I have become more vascular and lean. I actually dropped a pound. I do feel my poochy though. May be way early, but I am tellin' ya, I cannot suck my tummy in anymore, it just wants to pooch. I am calming down in the mind, but I still get anxious at times. When I worked out tonight, I kept wondering if I should push as hard as I usually do. I mean, it's only 1st trimester, right? I can still grunt and hurt. I started getting anxious towards the end of my w/o. I just don't want to do anything to harm the little thing. Truth be told, I am petrified that I will do something to make me lose him/her. I hate to admit that. I am trying very hard though to shove those negative thoughts out of my head. I will do the best that I can. A lot of things can go wrong but a lot can go right also. I really need to go buy some books, one with the facts and one that is happy with cute illustrations and sunshine.

It's POSITIVE!

2007-01-08T12:04:00.000-08:00

Male readers beware: this post contains material that would make most men gross out.

Since my boobs have been sore for more than a week with no Aunt Flow anywhere in site, I decided to take a preg test. It was positive! I did this early in the morning at 5am and could not fall back asleep because I had a million thoughts running through my head. I took another this morning and again, Bingo! I didn't sleep last because I couldn't stop my incessant flow of what if's or what are we going to do about this or that. Ugh! I am a nut job, I tell ya. I tell my husband and he says, "Oh that's great, I want a kid." and falls right back to sleep.

I really am excited, but I am incredibly scared and nervous and anxious. Some of my crazy thoughts are: "What if I have an ectopic pregnancy, no then I would probably have pain"

then it gets worse: "What if I have a stillborn?" (a lady at church shared this story, and it totally made me sad and nervous)

"What if these tests are false, well, they are suppose to be 99% accurate and I took 2; oh my gosh, I am going to feel soo fat and blobby, and I am going to have tons of stretch marks."

" What should I buy to decorate the baby room? Don't know the gender yet though."

" It's going to really hurt, isn't it? I don't want them to cut me (episiotomy), euuuu!"

"I'm scared to have an epi because I don't want a fat needle piercing into my spine."

"I can't believe it, I feel totally great, except for the boobs."

"Can't wait to tell my mom. Have I been eating my vitamins everyday? Oh crap, I think that I have been drinking too much caffeine."

"I hope that I am a good mother. I better start putting on lotion on my belly."

As you can clearly see, I am a nut case. Has anyone ever felt this much anxiety about having a baby? All my friends seemed so cool and relaxed and glad. I'm glad, but I am a wreck. I have an OB appt. in a couple of weeks, where I am going to go through my 2 page compilation of questions.
I wanted to go back to gymnastics tonight, but my husband is freaking out about it. He says that it will shake the baby. Please, it probably isn't even the size of 2 fingers yet. Also, my gymn teacher said that she tumbled for months till it did hurt and then she quit. Hubby won't hear of me going till I talk to Doc about it. Caca.

A-Z of Susan

2007-01-04T22:04:00.000-08:00

Ok Rae, here ya go!
A- Available or single? Happily married
B- Best Friend? My Mom and husband
C- Cake or Pie? Oh boy, BOTH! I really like cookies too.
D- Drink of Choice? Water, but been drinking lots of hot tea lately because it is soo cold.
E- Essential Item? Water bottle, my calendar, and to-do list
F- Favorite Color? Pink, Black (ok that's opposite!)
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? The bears of course, but only the red ones
H- Hometown? Las Vegas
I- Indulgence? Watching the Foodnetwork, taking a nap, working-out without worrying about the clock
J- January or February? Jan because of the fresh start feeling.
K- Kids and names? No kiddles yet, but hopefully soon.
L- Life is incomplete without? Hugs/Kisses from my hubby, exercise, my health
M- Marriage Date? Not good at remembering dates, I still can't get the year correct at each time I am asked, so lets see... 4/23/2005? yea, pretty sure that is it
N- Number of Siblings? 1 "real" brother and 1 "real" sister, 1 half brother and 1 half sister
O- Oranges or apples? Neither, makes me feel bloated and nauseous
P- Phobias/Fears? Fear of my Mom's death, Fear of my Father's death without ever really knowing him, Fear of making the wrong choices
Q- Favorite Quote? "The Man on Top of the Mountain Didn't Fall There."
R- Reason to Smile? To have people who care about me
S- Season? Fall because it reminds me of the miles and miles I use to run, and running in fall weather was always so invigorating and perfect.
T- Tag three people! Anita, Laurie, and Meghan
U- Unknown fact about Me! I walked onto a Division I Collegiate Track & Cross Country Team and became a scholarshipped athlete the next year.
V- Vegetable you hate? Beets
W- Worst habit? Letting up when I am close to finishing or completing a goal. I start to lag and get tired and think that I am almost there anyhow. Bad, Baaaadd Habit!
Y- Your favorite food? Muffins, cookies, any flavored breads: zuccini, pumpkin, sourdough, french, you name it! I could eat muffins at every meal, but that wouldn't complete my nutrition profile, or would it?
Z- Zodiac? The lovely twin fish: Pisces

Time to Grow!

2007-01-04T20:09:00.000-08:00

I had another awesome work-out today of Ch/Tri/Abs and I walked for 45min and stretched this morning. Let me tell ya though, my back is so sore from the day before last. I'm talking about my entire middle back and lats. Grow, grow!! I am hitting the 2000 cal mark today with 50/30/20. :) Eat, eat, grow, grow! It's funny because I don't really feel like cheating because I am already full and satiated.
Concerning my work-outs, I am doing some negative work on every set. My tempo count is 5 and then I push up explosively. Wow, these really fatigue the muscles.

My w/o today, all 3 sets:
Flat Bench 6reps
Incline DB Bench 6reps
Flat Bench Flyes 15reps
Dips 8-10
Reverse grip pull dn 10-12
Kickbacks 10-12

Abs:
Leg lifts on the chair (i don't know what u call these?) SS Rope crunches
Sit-ups on Swiss
Plank hold on Swiss

Problem I am encountering is at work, I have been super busy. I cannot get a break to eat, let alone get a drink of water. Really stressed out lately while I am there. I have to try to just get a grip and make myself take sips of water in between. I keep telling myself that I will go after I see this person or after I do that, etc. and I never get to drink or eat. I am going to bring my carb shakes, just bought some powder today. Tomorrow is leg day, woo hoo, bring on the hurt.

Build Phase Begins

2007-01-01T22:38:00.000-08:00

I did start my work-outs yesterday evening. I did a back and bi w/o and lifted hard. Felt good to get in a good w/o because I really have not worked out hard since Denver.

Every exercise is 3 sets, increasing to 4-5 sets in 4wks.
Pull-Ups (myself! :) I can do 5-6 good ones)
Bent Over Rows on Smith
1-Arm DB Rows
Cable Rows
EZ Bar Curls
Preacher Curls

My caloric goal for the next 2 wks is: 2200. My calories fell short. This is no surprise since it usu. takes me a few days to adjust. I was soo full all day. I did get in 1800 cal with a 40/35/25, gotta up those carbs. I forgot to bring M4 with me to work, crap.

Ok, I did some measurements yesterday early afternoon. Not a good day because I was soooo bloated (this pms cycle is seeming to last and last with no flow accompaniment), but I made myself do them. I didn't really want to post this but here it goes, euu gag me.

All on the right side and fullest part of body part:

Thigh: 21.25in
Calf: 12.25in
Bicep: 11.25in
Back: 16in
Hips: 36in
Chest: 32.5in
Waist: 30.5in
Wrist: 5.3in

I included my wrist circumference to give an indication of my bone structure: small! Not a single watch fits me without having several links taken out.

Still need to get BF done by someone since I can't seem to find my calipers. Looking around, looks like everyone is off to a great start. :) Gotta go pack my food and get to work.